Question about Fe and Fights?

[Faex]

I have a question for Fe users, especially @auburn, and @faeruss (since I see you both commenting from time to time).
I've noticed some men seem to find "fighting" kinda 'interesting'/'spicy', and the ones I've seen displaying this attitude are Fe directives (Jordan Peterson and the comedian Bill Burr who's most def PeTi- I think NeTi, but I digress). They both describe their wives as good at insulting (them, in particular!) when pissed.
The weird thing is they both talk about it like it's endearing (!!!). I thought it's just what a man in love (whipped, lol) would say if his wife is the type to go there in an argument but I've seen both these guys defend the spurring as valuable in and of itself.
JBP said that there needs to be a bit of "trouble" in a marriage to keep it interesting or you'll go out looking for it elsewhere, and he was talking specifically about contending with his wife. Bill Burr said once in an interview that his previous girlfriends were either too nice or something else I forget but that his wife has just the right amount of fight that's comfortable for him. On his podcasts (which are on youtube, free) hie often argues with his wife live! On air. And it can get pretty heated, with "direct fire". In addition he also likes to send fire too. And JBP said his wife has insults that can just blister you (He didn't say that exactly, but he said something hyperbolic like that that about his wife's insults that I forget--Paraphrasing).
Now that we're talking about adaptive/seelie vs directive/unseelie, I'm wondering if this might have something to do with that?
I would never consider that kind of thing "interesting", or even "ok" unless it happened very rarely. My idea of a good relationship or compatibility is the kind that does not engender too many such fights. I'd consider too many of those to be a glaring sign of incompatibility. Now debates? About general things like culture, politics, art etc? Sure. But these fights these guys talk about are quite personal. I don't understand how they don't eventually destroy trust, intimacy, and break the relationship down. I've seen some pple suggest even on discord before that they want those fights as a way to negotiate boundaries and relationships, but I can't wrap my mind around it.
Any thoughts about this dynamic?

[Elsie]

Any thoughts about this dynamic?

if it isn't Duel of the Fates how are you sposed to know that eachother REALLY cares and that the other is still worthy? Tough times (game of life) require tough metal

[Faeruss]

To a directive Fe user, a refusal to fight is seen as a lack of commitment, seriousness, and honesty. We all have snakes inside us, and those are bound to clash with those in others, no matter how compatible. Articulating and making our darkness conscious is the only real path towards the light. Anything else is delusion and wishful thinking.

[Umbilical Sphere]

Fae : "
Now that we’re talking about adaptive/seelie vs directive/unseelie, I’m wondering if this might have something to do with that?
I would never consider that kind of thing “interesting”, or even “ok” unless it happened very rarely. My idea of a good relationship or compatibility is the kind that does not engender too many such fights. I’d consider too many of those to be a glaring sign of incompatibility. Now debates? About general things like culture, politics, art etc? Sure. But these fights these guys talk about are quite personal. I don’t understand how they don’t eventually destroy trust, intimacy, and break the relationship down. I’ve seen some pple suggest even on discord before that they want those fights as a way to negotiate boundaries and relationships, but I can’t wrap my mind around it.
Any thoughts about this dynamic?"
I can link this with known dynamics of how the human mind/brain operates. I'm not gonna explicitly relate it to typology here but you can see clear parallels/connections.
When the Sympathetic branch of the nervous system is activated, which controls stress levels, metabolic rate, preparedness for action, and neuropsychological arousal/alertness, a bifurcation of possible responses follows; Fight, Flight or Freeze. In terms of psyche in social interactions where potential threats arise, these translate into 'standing your ground/going on the 'assault'', 'submitting/aqcuescing' and 'dissociation/mental deadness'. One of the dimensions of human relationships is analogous to the rough play that is seen in many animals, whereby we test each others boundaries in socially acceptible (and ideally mutually enjoyable, but not always) ways in order to 1) strengthen our own capacities to hold our own socially, training emotional regulation, wit, understanding of social dynamics etc and 2) organise social heirarchies, who can do what to who, who can say what to who,  whose boundaries lie where and how severe are consequences for trespassing, what is the power dynamic etc.
Each person, for various reasons of innate psychological tendencies and life experience having conditioned the mind (particularly based on belief systems and traumas) in certain ways, varies in two ways associated with this process; 1) sensitivity of overall stress response (neuroticism in big5 terms). This determines the degree to which the stressor is perceived as a threat (from very mildly disturbing to absolute apocalyptic castastrophe). 2) different thresholds at which the stress response is channeled into each response (coded somewhat generally and also in situation-specific ways). For example a fightier person will have a higher threshold of stress response activation below which their response will be to 'fight'/respond via self- assertive action. Beyond some level of percieved threat, they too will acquiesce. Beyond some threshold above that, their mind might shatter into dissociation. A more timid person does not really have access to this fight response so it goes straight into 'flight'/submission or 'freeze'/dissociation. Both reflect a feeling of powerlessness, although submission attempts to adapt to the social pressures being placed on the person and is therefore more active, and at least believes it has the power to avoid being damaged/destroyed (if not avoid being dominated) via some social response. Freezing/dissociation reflects a feeling of total powerlessness in which the mind believes it has zero capacity to change the situation, like a mental foetal position. If we relate these three responses to emotional states, I would put them as Fight - Anger, Flight - Fear, Freeze - Terror.
An interesting thing about the fight approach is that it regulates the stress response to some degree, so prevents it from exploding into a panic loop. The sympathetic arousal in itself can be experienced as enjoyable as long as the person is feeling mentally strong, as that prevents it from flying into panic loop. Theres a charge and a rush to it (hence thrill seekers of every kind). You can feel alive, on the edge. Your capacities are called to respond, your mind is sharpened, you have a target for your weaponry. Putting yourself in challenging situations which you have the capacity to respond to (but still have to be highly attentive and calibrated to avoid failure) is a key inducer of the flow state.
As I said before, the higher someones level of neuroticism (sensitivity of stress response), the stronger the stress reaction that will be triggered (coded as variable of 'danger') in relation to a given situation. The higher the levels, the less challenging a situation has to be before it induces panic responses, and the smaller the range of situations in which one can ride the flow state (instead it shatters into mental resistance loops and feeling of overwhelm). When people playfully insult each other socially, they are prompting challenges to each other, just like when we play sports, we are competing against each other in a game to see who will win, have fun, and sharpen our capacities in the process. The stress response is ideally high enough to be aroused/alert (and therefore pleasantly energising) but not so high it spins out into one of the three defensive responses. Some peoples minds are coded such that there is almost no level of stress response that feels good - they are afraid to surf the waves of energy and so they just get swept under by the waves of their own stress response. If you can ride the waves, it is a fun challenge and way to build good memories together, as well as experience more of the dimensions of someone - since as faeruss said, we all have monsters inside of us, and we can either bring them out to play in the light, or leave them to fester in the darkness where they sabotage our relationships in nefarious and destructive ways. If you tame your inner monster (which both JP and BB have done to some degree) then it can become a source of enjoyment, playfulness, and connection with others. The stress response is well-regulated because we feel safe, we know its just a game, we have faith in our capacities to respond, we dont fear imminent destruction or ego invalidation or such.

[Animal]

..
 

[Ivory]

I have Adaptive Fe, and for the most part this does apply to me. I am not too outspoken, I keep to myself, and I let minor transgressions slide, seeing them as not worth it.
With @Animal, though, I am outspoken, I start fights (and love them), and can be a straight-out brat. She calls this me being a "cat." Lol.
In public, with most other people, I don't bother to interfere for I often consider it a 'lost cause.' Mercy, coming from me, is more often than not surface placating because I would consider it a waste of my time to invest more energy in them. (So really it is no "mercy" at all.)  Good care, in my opinion, is also about not letting people get away with their own bullshit. With my close relations, I want to push people and be critical so that they grow. If this can't happen at all, then a relationship because very, very difficult. As such, I have not contacted my homefront (parents etc) for two months now, because they'd rather evade and act out a negative form of 'Seelie' with me. Now, again, I am not Directive and as such have kept my attempts at confrontation to an essential minimum, but I did confront them. With the answer that I received, (evasion,) I know enough: that my own parents don't care enough to get through the difficult shit with me.
Now, for a long time growing up, I thought this was normal and acted accordingly with them - hence why I have Adaptive Fe... But with honest introspection and having known that I need emotional realness (including GOOD FIGHTS - not petty ones either) in close relations, I cannot abide any longer.
I score extremely low on Agreeableness when tested on the Big 5, despite my Adaptive Fe. So I would argue that one's moral stance on such issues may not be in accordance to the Adaptive/Directive dichotomy per se, though I will admit that there are strong trends.

[Animal]

Yes -  Behind every idealistic Ji "prince" or "princess," there is a BRAT.
And @ivory is amazing at being a brat because there's a raw, honest side of his idealism. Just as I wouldn't let him get away with certain things that may be working against his best interests, he won't let me, either. He picks fights much more often than I do, but always for a good cause.
Things don't live up to his ideals, and normally he just pulls away from the world for this reason, but with me he won't pull away - he'll fight for his ideals to his last breath.

[Faex]

Wow, the idea of loving fights is so strange to me, guys! I always end up regretting the whole thing.

[Animal]

@faerie
There's an art to productive conflict. It's insulting and it erodes trust if someone picks fight about nothing. It also makes me lose respect for them. @ivory and I generally don't do this. We respect each other so most of the conflicts we start are worth fighting about.
There's also times when someone is just frustrated or angry in general so they need to blow off steam and pick fights. This is human and normal, and there's no point fueling it with a bigger fight and making big drama. Both of us figure out pretty fast that the other is being petty because they're just in a bad mood, and we point it out to each other before it escalates.  Since we trust each other, we know the other isnt petty and we know to not take it personally. We also apologize to each other if we pick petty arguments.
Trust is key. In old relationships, guys would take stuff personally that wasnt personal, and vice versa. It was always about who wronged who, who cared more than who, etc.
Ivory and I got past that fairly quickly. We do a lot of deep self work using enneagram and other methods, so we can speak candidly about what is really going on underneath the surface. It can be hurtful in the moment but it prevents pointless conflicts from repeating. It allows us to actually resolve things, pinpoint the issue and take it upon ourselves to deal with our own blind spots with respect toward each others needs.

[Animal]

@faerie
I have a major issue where I assume if a guy is picking petty fights or being difficult, he's looking for reasons to get rid of me because I'm not pretty enough. I used to be pretty obsessive about my body but in my 30s I have had  different sets of health problems and gained a lot of weight. Oddly enough, being in perfect shape actually did not make me more confident; if anything confidence just came with age and wisdom.
I used to feel rejected and assume someone was "doing X" because he didnt really want me. He took me for granted because I want him, and he didnt have to work hard enough due to my obsessiveness. So I would distance myself and make my body more perfect and work on music and arts so I could impress him. I would pretend I didnt notice his distance because I was too busy distancing myself and getting tied up in projects. In truth, I am passionate about my projects, so this was easy and didnt have to be faked. The only part that was fake was me pretending I wasnt hurt; that instead I had pulled back because I was just too busy for him.
Then I would notice other guys admiring and adoring my creative work or beauty, and I would grow more and more resentful that I was obsessed with this one guy who could never feel so strong about me. I would try to show off for him, show him how much others desire me. Make him pay.
You can see how this is not an ideal conflict resolution style. 🙂
It's much better that @Ivory has won my trust. So when I'm angry and hurt, I just tell him. Part of me feels like I will diminish my value to him, by making myself too easy to conquer, and that he would want me more if I make a show... but I remind myself that this is my 4w3 fixation talking and it's not reality.
My bullshit is a reaction to a lie my ego has told  me, which is that I'm fundamentally flawed and the only way to be loved is to turn these flaws into a beautiful, glamourous image.
What I have learned is that the men in my life actually did love me and care about me and desire me. They desired me less perhaps, because I could not give of my heart; because I pushed them away;  because my rejection fantasy lead to the behavior that got me rejected.
With Ivory, through his love and honesty and also my own hard work, I have learned to recognize the "he doesnt love me, he doesnt care, because I'm undesirable" trigger. And to remember it's irrational no matter how real it feels at the time.
This allows me to make myself vulnerable and simply tell him I feel unloved and I think he isnt attracted to me.  He gets pissed off and hurt, and then it becomes clear that I erode his trust by doing this; and he did want me in the first place.
As we went through this a few times and the result was always him wanting me and caring about me, and telling me honestly and openheartedly how my 4 fixation was running the show but not my heart; I was trained. I now know these feelings arent real and I don't give them much credence. So the trust between us grows.
And he has addressed his 6 issues in a similar way. So over time we both understand why the other does what they do, and don't take it personally.
For instance instead of him losing trust every time I feel rejected, he has compassion. And instead of me feeling rejected every time he gets  neurotic and shuts me out, I have compassion.
Love is always a work in progress. Conflict helps this along.

[Faex]

For instance instead of him losing trust every time I feel rejected, he has compassion. And instead of me feeling rejected every time he gets  neurotic and shuts me out, I have compassion.
Love is always a work in progress. Conflict helps this along.

This is so sweet, @animal!
I think I understand that, "he doesn't really like, love, want me" feeling/story-that-we-tell-ourselves. Wonder what sorts of stories I'm telling myself that are affecting how I relate to people. Interesting!

[Faex]

Guys, (@Auburn, @faeruss, @animal, @UmbilicalSphere, @ivory, @elsie, @bera)!
I think this discussion on love/fighing etc and what it means relates to an article I read way back when on personalityhacker about "How the types show and receive love." It was based on the four J functions and the tendencies Antonia and Joel have noted in the types (as their system types them). I've just searched for it and found it (yay!!), copy + pasted below from here. What I notice is that they attribute to both Ts the attitudes we might attribute to directiveness and/or unseeliness and to both Fs the attitudes we'd attribute to seelieness and adaptiveness.

(1) How “Harmony” asks “Do you love me?” (Fe)
Myers-Briggs types: ENFJ, INFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ
Do you feel connected to me?
Will you check in and make sure I’m okay?
Will you acknowledge and take care of my needs?
Am I safe with you?
Do you accept and approve of me?
How “Harmony” answers: “Yes! I love you!”
I will meet your needs before I meet my own.
I will check in regularly and make sure you’re okay.
I will do my best to keep morale up.
I will show you appreciation in whatever way I’d like to be shown appreciation.
-How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Smothering, intrusive.
(2) How “Authenticity” asks, “Do you love me?” (Fi)
Myers-Briggs types: ENFP, INFP, ESFP, ISFP
Do you think I’m being real with you?
Do you trust my motives and my intent?
Will you support me no matter what – do you have my back?
Will you give me space to be “me?”
How “Authenticity” answers, “Yes! I love you!”
I will be patient with your honest expressions.
I will honor your feelings and identity, even if it’s a struggle for both of us.
I will hold space for you, and give you alone time when you need it.
I will have your back no matter what the fight is.
I will trust you have my best interests at heart.
-How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Passive, self-absorbed
(3) How “Effectiveness” asks, “Do you love me?” (Te)
Myers-Briggs types: ENTJ, INTJ, ESTJ, ISTJ
Will you handle things – can I rely on you?
Will you make my life easier, can I relax knowing you’re “on it?”
Will you support my career and/or goals and be self-sufficient?
Are you loyal?
How “Effectiveness” answers, “Yes! I love you!” 
I will be endlessly loyal on principle.
I will educate myself on you and learn how you operate.
I will take pride in you, boasting about your accomplishments even before my own.
I will protect you.
I chose you. I continue to choose you. Case closed.
-How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Controlling, distant, “unromantic”
(4) How “Accuracy” asks, “Do you Love Me?” (Ti)
Myers-Briggs types: ENTP, INTP, ESTP, ISTP
Do you think I’m totally competent?
Are you impressed with my performance?
Do you trust that I’m not lying to you or B.S.’ing you in any way?
Does it make sense that you love me? That you stay with me?
How “Accuracy” answers, “Yes! I love you!”
I will be rigorously honest with you. If I have a ‘wandering eye’ I will tell you, and provide a solution.
I will gift you with my precision. I will learn you and give high performance at all levels.
I will protect you from others, but not from yourself.
I will never judge you. Instead, I will be there for you when things go bad, no matter why they went bad.
-How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Harsh, insensitive, cold

Notice the "How it can be misinterpreted". 🙂
I was confused over my type back then (I typed mostly as INFJ on their test but also INFP and even ENFP enough times that I couldn't tell what I really was- but I digress!); so I found myself torn between the Fe and Fi descriptions of "loving" here.
However, I felt most comfortable with the Authenticity (Fi) description the most, simply because this is the point of no-return for me (When I find out someone is judgy towards me, my character, and my "heart"- Very difficult to re-establish trust after I've accepted this as true about their attitudes towards me.)
I can change my mind, of course, but it'd have to be because I realized after that I had misconstrued things. Otherwise, this is one of those things I won't get past. If nothing else, my partner has to grant me the presumption (a very strong presumption!) of good motives. I have dropped every friendship where I came to see this presumption lacking. Not right away, of course! Usually it's after lots of rounds (because my Ne has to rule out a bagillion possibilities before I can really be sure.) Like I said, it's the one thing I can't get past, just recalling my history.
I was thinking their patterns may map more neatly towards Directiveness/Unseelieness (Their "T") and Seeliness/adaptiveness (Their "F"), but with more balance, of course! What do you guys think?

[Faeruss]

@faerie
An imperfect approximation could be to say that unseelie/seelie is captured by the dichotomy of The Law/Compassion-Loving-Kindness, something like that. Similar to Justice vs. Mercy, but with a slightly different flavour perhaps. Let me know if this rings true.

[Faex]

An imperfect approximation could be to say that unseelie/seelie is captured by the dichotomy of The Law/Compassion-Loving-Kindness, something like that. Similar to Justice vs. Mercy, but with a slightly different flavour perhaps. Let me know if this rings true.

An interesting take, @faeruss! I do think the Metta/loving-kindness thing is Fi, yes, and I spose u're right that it's more seelie Fi in particular. For example, I'm not attracted to Kali and the other "darker" goddesses or the Je goddesses like Athena. But I was immediately attracted to Guan Yin and Tefiti and have not abandoned them since! My love for Mary would be too much to go into, lol. And like I said to Bera in another thread, I've long suspected this energy to be very specifically Fi. I think you're right that it's Seelieness too.
So there we have it:
Seelie energy (Mary/Guan Yin/Metta)
Unseelie energy (Kali).
I think I read that Kali is the one who "destroys" so that life may continue, or something like that. She does the tough love that needs to happen to ultimately protect the good. I'm not sure it's "Law", but I have to think up another word to describe this Kali attitude. I don't have one yet.

[Faeruss]

@ivory

I score extremely low on Agreeableness when tested on the Big 5, despite my Adaptive Fe. So I would argue that one’s moral stance on such issues may not be in accordance to the Adaptive/Directive dichotomy per se, though I will admit that there are strong trends.

Thank you for bringing this up. It had been my suspicion that despite the perhaps loose correlation between trait agreeableness and adaptiveness, they would come apart in important ways, and I think they are getting at somewhat different phenomena, despite the overlap. You are adaptive and disagreeable, an interesting but real combination. Trying to think of an example in the reverse direction, @jelle comes to mind. I would not be surprised if she tested high in agreeableness - particularly in trait compassion, despite being very directive.

[Faeruss]

@bera

I can understand what you mean, but there are some other issues here too. Snakes are still snakes, even if we are doing cathartic psychological confrontations in which we take them out. People still get hurt and still have a bad experience altogether if this type of clash is not…controlled or balanced by other energies than the one that just aims at making the darkness conscious. I think a lot of love and clarity are also necessary for this to actually have good consequences. Because the pull of darkness is strong and it’s much easier for relationships..and for hearts to break than to be healed.

I agree with this. Snakes are deadly. The fight against darkness is in no way guaranteed to succeed - that is why most won't attempt it. If becoming enlightened were easy and free of risk, everyone would be enlightened. If fighting the black snake of death inside your stomach is not scary, you are not doing it right. There should be a visceral fear of annihilation.

[Bera]

@faeruss - and what happens next? You tame the snake?
@fae - this article is very interesting ! I can see some of the misinterpretations in my own life and in my perception of other people.

[Animal]

@faeruss @bera

I agree with this. Snakes are deadly. The fight against darkness is in no way guaranteed to succeed – that is why most won’t attempt it. If becoming enlightened were easy and free of risk, everyone would be enlightened. If fighting the black snake of death inside your stomach is not scary, you are not doing it right. There should be a visceral fear of annihilation.

Exactly, the process cannot be glamorized as some New Age snake-shaped bracelet. It's dark, it's ugly. Sometimes you have to risk everything to destroy yourself so you can be born anew.
For me, I would rather have died than continue on the way I was. So it was worth it to risk everything. I was not sure if I'd come out alive, but alas.

[Tea]

I have a visceral fear of annihilating others if I touch that darkness.

[Bera]

@tea - me too ! I know it sounds unbelievable but I can get extremely angry and not in a cute girly way. It's true anger and it's dangerous to other people. Jelle said something about angry gammas making animal sounds and, to be honest, I can get into animal sounds mode. 🙂
Same with sadness. Yesterday on the plane I decided to fake I am sleeping and to think about my general situation without lying to myself. So, I did it.. and, hell, of course I got into a nihilistic state of mind. Everything I did until now looked like nothing, I looked at everything- my career, my friends, my home and it all broke to dust, to nothing. It took less than 15 minutes to conclude that my whole life has no value and that I own nothing and never did anything worthwhile, never had any meaningful experiences or relationships, have no connection to anyone. And I kept digging, though it got hard to control the sadness and keep looking in the nothingness. But I have some exercise, I can do it.
I rarely get into this emotional state and when I do, I always have a moment when I hear Bob Dylan singing - when you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. In which moment Se and maybe Sp - thinking of the whole song- 🙂 regain control and I quickly recover. :))
This time it happened pretty fast, I had almost no money left. 🙂
But what if this snake completely came out? Because you see, there is truth in these ideas. Not specifically about myself - but about everyone and everything; you can strip everything of meaning and need much less time to do so than you need to give things meaning. Also, this is obviously a part of myself. There are reasons why Pe leads look for stimulation. 🙂
But is it productive to tempt these little snakes out? 🙂

[Rua]

@ Bera Hehe. Your post reminded me of this rhyme I wrote a little while ago.
Unseelie/Directive: Anger is a fuel; anger is a tool of rule.
Seelie/Adaptive: Anger is cruel; anger must follow rules.

[Bera]

@rondo - I love your poem !!! <3
Did you write others too?
Please write more of them !
I think NeTi and NeFi are my favorite types ! You guys are so fun and original, I love your ideas.
Yes, I really think it should follow rules. The other person should have a safeword. :)))

[Faex]

Just yesterday I was doing metta on myself, a romantic interest, and people I'm trying to forgive from throughout my life (from jobs, schools, friendships, etc), and the target was the "hatred within".

[Bera]

@fae - and what happened ? Did you forgive them?
I don't have a lot of hatred within. I am in a period of my life in which I mostly focus on becoming a better version of myself, so I try - sometimes very hard :)) - to not judge anyone. I must work on myself and others can just mirror aspects of myself I haven't yet solved...but they can not solve them for me.
I think it's important to love people unconditionally and to understand everyone has their own battles we know nothing about.
I just wish I could love myself unconditionally too, but this is pretty challenging. 😉 With others I can easily think oh, but they have this particular weakness, so this is why they acted in a way I disprove. With myself it's harder, because I know what I can do and if I didn't do it, I know I could have done it and I can't find any excuses for failing. 🙁

[Faex]

@bera, I had written a long post but decided to gut it because I realized it was TMI for the forum (more like dischord material). Anyway, I've had to accept that yes, there is hatred within, however unpalatable and unflattering that is. It is not easy to name it as such because it comes disguised as resentment, injured feelings, going cold/detached etc, but really, dig down to the core and what it is is what I'd call hatred. It's essentially the experience of anger without empathy.
Now what's hatred? I believe it is unprocessed anger regarding an injury that still hurts. It's a withdrawal of affection and vulnerability and a projecting of defensiveness or a "stay away from me" energy. It is humbling to realize such dark feelings swim around in the corners of the psyche but I want to be 100% honest with myself because my goal is to heal them. First, by acknowledging the sense of injury within that hot anger and then finding ways to address it. I suppose a better word I could''ve used is "the bitterness within", but I felt no need to temper the language. One way is by committing to be brutally honest with self and those who are 'triggering.'
I have forgiven people who hurt me tens of times but some my heart just won't let go. I did a ritual where I went through everyone in memory who ever hurt me, right from childhood, and I'm doing Metta with them. Also with this dude who has really made me mad, lol. But he's a romantic interest and its more about possessiveness with him. My metta melts that instinct to possess into a distinterested concern/compassion for him. It's miraculous, lol. It's become my spiritual practise now. Metta healeth all wounds. 🙂 He he.
I'll just keep doing it until I have truly forgiven the deeper injuries. In my head I think I have but I'll know for sure I have when I begin to forget their existence. That's how my Ne mind works when I'm genuinely over something: I forget, lol! My mind remembers only things that still matter. So I will keep practising until the day comes when someone mentions them and I have to struggle a bit to remember what it was I was pissed about.

[Author]

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