[Seelie] How do you deal with emotions?

Index Forums Ask a Demographic [Seelie] How do you deal with emotions?

  • fayest42
    Participant
    • Type: FiNe
    • Development: ll--
    • Attitude: Unseelie

    Hi, seelie folks. I’m hoping you can share some information with me about how you handle emotions, particularly difficult ones. Over the last year or so I’ve been working on trying to understand what a healthy way of handling emotions is. What I’ve seen recommended is to acknowledge them, accept them, and let them pass. What I’ve noticed that I tend to do instead is to essentially shut off my emotions and switch to a logical analysis of the situation. When I’ve tried to follow the recommended method, I sometimes run into a problem – if I just sit and observe my emotions, they don’t necessarily pass. Sometimes they get “stuck.” And then the only way I know of to move on is to shut down and “harden my heart.” I think this must be what Auburn was getting at when he wrote that unseelie signals appear  “when a person has a calloused relationship to their own heart, and a closed channel to their own inner frailty.” I don’t think this is a healthy pattern for me because it tends to make me cold and without compassion. Since seelie people presumably don’t “close the channel to their inner frailty,” I’m wondering what they do instead. How do you move on from painful emotions to keep living your lives while keeping that emotional channel open?

    Starshade
    Participant
    • Type: NeFi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Seelie

    Letting them exist. Having “emotions stick” is how one gets out of an depression: google “hyperbole and a half depression” to see a cartoony description of it where emotions has, gone away for a while, where “anger” comes, then lots of sadness, and last happy feelings again.

    I assume it’s healthy, personality growth, yes? Actually being emotionally permeable, is just something I’ve been, my whole life. It’s “me”. It do not mean I appear emotional all the time because this fact, but, even if some mbti folks would consider me… An “NT”, in CTs system, I AM an feeler, and Seelie Fi. I’m still partially an tech nerd, but has gone other directions in life, and therefore an different development.

    FiNe
    Participant
    • Type: Unknown
    • Development:
    • Attitude: Unknown

    I don’t know if I am seelie/unseelie. I will propably throw some videos on discord soon. But I believe I am Fi user (at least in JCF standards). I struggle with similar pattern like you do. And I am on the road of long journey to emotional well-being.

    Functions are domain of neocortex activity. I actually think the problem lie deeper than that, in deeper parts of the brain. Using functions is a part of the job that have to be done here but not the whole. Fi can give us deeper awerness of our condition and motivations to take care of ourselfs. But to change situation we need to take actions and consider the bigger picture, that means use of supporting extraverted function (Ne) I think.

    You ask for a method. I know a few and I believe you also know a few methods to cope with emotions. Internet gives many many “problem-solution” advices. Some are more and some are less efficient but most of them fail to give us permanent or stable change. I believe this is becouse it’s not about method or skill in the first place but about build-in emotional resilience, and stress regulation mechanisms. There is neuropsychological rule to work from bottom to top of our nervous system.

    “when a person has a calloused relationship to their own heart, and a closed channel to their own inner frailty.” I don’t think this is a healthy pattern for me because it tends to make me cold and without compassion. Since seelie people presumably don’t “close the channel to their inner frailty,” I’m wondering what they do instead.

    They do nothing I think… They have order in processing information in lower parts of brain that’s why the ability to process emotions through higher cognitive functions stay open for them. The pattern you mantioned above comes from stress response reactions in lower parts of brain. There is chaos and in that situation higher/conscious lvl of thinking turn off or don’t work proply. When that is happening “the shadow” take us in possesion, our impulses start to dominate in our behaviours and the first function which falls victim to them is our inferior function. For Fi-lead(dom) this is Te and lens of that function is to make impartial decisions.

    I think we need take a set of actions to addreess this issue. I am doing self-therapy becouse I didn’t find good therapist that I can afford. This is on going process. At least  internet gives us a lot of resources and strategies to be used.

    Another thing I don’t mentioned yet are “schemas” which regulate our behaviours from uncosciousness and which people try to change on CBT theraphy. If we do something that harms us, but it is embedded in our behavior, it is most likely a schema. To change own schemas isn’t easy thing to do either. I think deep reflection on our cognitive functions (how we use them) helps here.

    Sorry that I can’t give you direct advice but I wish that post could give you some insight on my view. I am open to discuss every matter and to hear your thoughts.

    Take care of yourself. ^^

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by FiNe.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by FiNe.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by FiNe.
    Alana
    Participant
    • Type: NiTe
    • Development: l---
    • Attitude: Seelie

    More than often, I feel out of touch with my own emotions. This leads me to becoming wrapped up in others’ emotional states or trying to understand them at necessary times. Within this process, my own emotions get lost – I’m unsure of what I’m feeling or thinking in an emotional sense. Overtime, I believe whatever emotions are going on subconsciously boils up and then suddenly, as it inches closer and closer, erupts. After “erupting,” it leads to guilt over the intense outburst of emotions until I unknowingly bury them away again…

    I have been there before – hardening your heart rather than allowing vulnerability for those emotions in. It’s easy to tune the world away and surrender into an emotionally cold, empty state. The intense emotions cannot reach you – you feel untouchable.

    Allow these emotions in. If you become stuck, that’s okay – acknowledge that you’re feeling stuck. Understand that you’re shifting your emotions into a place to protect you. Ease your guard and allow yourself to just feel – when you’re ready to. Journal your emotions, find an outlet to release those emotions.

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by Alana.
    Starshade
    Participant
    • Type: NeFi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Seelie

    You have to consider gender though. As a boy, I were a bit logic oriented, not particularly “emotional”, but neither denying them. I would say I prefer gather data, breaking them down, analytical, fixing issues by pure mind, not feeling. My responses, simply were a bit sterile, or callous. Cold, in cases any girl would be deeply caring. Its not that I could ever just shut off people of “walk out” easily, and I have a pet peeve project or two trying to nurture, “growth” for people, in some cases, which might work, or might not. I don’t know.

    It’s seldom this is “emotional” more how I work, so to say. Using, even letting myself be  permeable to help figure out what goes on. Even letting others issues seep in, to understand them. Its more, I try encourage personal growth, mentoring, for a few cases, and have infinite patience, but this is not being cold, except a few cases, I don’t deal with “high” emotions. But as a Seelie Fi, alexithymia people appear semi “comatose”, as if I talk to someone with obvious cognitive lack, that is all the way from Mentally Challenged, to Full Professor, btw. They simply, “lack” something. Unseelie is no big issue, imho.

    fayest42
    Participant
    • Type: FiNe
    • Development: ll--
    • Attitude: Unseelie

    @starshade I don’t think this idea that boys/men are more logical and less emotional and that girls/women are less logical and more emotional is true. There have been some studies showing that women, on average, are more emotionally expressive than men, but not that women actually experience more emotion. Even if we were to equate emotional expressiveness with being “emotional,” this is just a correlation based on averages, and there is far too much individual difference within each sex/gender to say that because someone is a particular gender, they must therefore be more emotional or more logical.

    Remnants
    Participant
    • Type: FiNe
    • Development: l---
    • Attitude: Seelie

    “How do you move on from painful emotions to keep living your lives while keeping that emotional channel open?”

    I don’t.

    Bera
    Moderator
    • Type: SeFi
    • Development: ll--
    • Attitude: Seelie

    @Fayest

    What I’ve noticed that I tend to do instead is to essentially shut off my emotions and switch to a logical analysis of the situation.

    I can take two paths – I either shut them off completely and switch to a logical analysis that tends to be pretty utilitarian, I think, or I let them do their thing and live them through at maximum intensity. Cry it out. Or freak out completely. If we are talking about sadness or fear.

    If we are talking about anger – same two paths BUT I believe I tend to use Te to shut off sadness and fear and Fi to experience them fully. And I think I use Fi to shut off anger and Te to experience it fully.

    I might oversimplify and these might just be my patterns of dealing with emotions and not also applicable to others.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Bera.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Bera.
    Rickus
    Participant
    • Type: SeFi
    • Development: l-l-
    • Attitude: Seelie

    I agree with fayest42 about gender and heart attitudes. I honestly don’t think your gender makes you more or less emotional. I am an Se-Fi with Seelie Fi, and it makes me very emotionally vulnerable, compassionate and expressive. The problem with society is that we’ve conflated gender with emotional expressiveness and I don’t think that is accurate, it is also downright unfair, because as a male I am then not allowed to be emotionally expressive or have feelings. Absolute nonsense.

    Conversely, someone like Ayn Rand seems very detached from her emotions and feelings, valuing pure rationality over feeling, but she is a woman. So I think we need to remove gender from the equation.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Rickus.
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