Check out the first page of my website 🙂
I wrote this before I got here or knew my type. It is an attempt to capture the culmination of my own themes.
I have a lot of cyclical themes, renewal, and themes that are obviously Se, like “So carnal it’s spiritual.”
I think it captures the inspiration-cycle of Pe, without me even knowing it 🙂 the idea that songs write themselves through me and bring ‘catharsis.’ Actually, catharsis is a good way to define my own phoenix themes.
Very interesting, I like this line: “We are strangers to ourselves until we face the mirror and meet the eyes of humanity.”
Also this: “On a deeper level, I live to expose my true self through my work. I feel I’m a vessel through which songs and stories emerge. The content serves as a mirror. It exposes parts of myself that are buried deep within my subconscious, and which might otherwise remain unnoticed.”
Instead of saying that I want to expose my “true self” through my artwork (which is film), I would say I want to expose the truth of my “experience”. My recent experience and confrontation with the depths of the mind definitely gave me some creative avenues to explore, but your artwork is so visceral that it is very “otherworldly,” it makes my “reality” structured/reality breaking vision of art pale in comparison. I would have to access some deeper instincts to get there, and I don’t even know if I can get there without some psychic damage lol
Instead of saying that I want to expose my “true self” through my artwork (which is film), I would say I want to expose the truth of my “experience”.
Hehe, well now I’m very curious to see it 😀 but that’s interesting and makes sense to me, coming from someone who has Ti rather than Fi. My father is NiFe II-I and doesn’t even feel he has a ‘true self’ to discover, and Ivory was half agreeing with him once when we had this argument, and I was feeling like, how dare you disagree with me that there’s a self! hahahah 😀
My recent experience and confrontation with the depths of the mind definitely gave me some creative avenues to explore,
Ohh, what is the depths of the mind? Like the inner workings?
but your artwork is so visceral that it is very “otherworldly,”
:O The first time I said “so carnal it’s spiritual” I was describing on an enneagram forum, offhandedly, how I listen to music when I shower and I feel so absorbed in the experience. The person I was talking to, thought that one line was so amazing, and then I started saying it more and realizing how incredibly true it is for me, and how it’s central to describe my state of mind & being.
When you say ‘so visceral that it’s otherworldly,’ I guess you’re getting at the same thing, and it’s interesting to hear this coming from others who experience my work that way. Is it because it’s kind of ‘oversexed?’
Moment to moment I’m such a twerp 😛 and shy, ungraceful and clumsy. But I capture my inner experience by letting the art ‘come through me’ and just being a vessel for whatever is there. And then I realize that other people really don’t tap into those carnal sentiments at all, whereas for me it’s just so natural and impossible to NOT do that.
it makes my “reality” structured/reality breaking vision of art pale in comparison.
Reality breaking vision actually sounds pretty cool to me. 🙂
Do you like David Lynch? I think he’s been typed as Delta ST? I find his take on reality/dream to be so intuitive. It really speaks to me; specifically in Mulhulland Drive.
I would have to access some deeper instincts to get there, and I don’t even know if I can get there without some psychic damage lol
Interesting :O was there one piece in particular or, what was it that made you feel this way? I’m very intrigued haha.
Maybe this is because your Se is unconscious? *headscratch*
- This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Animal.
I definitely don’t “feel” a “self” most of the time, I “feel” like I have primarily a mind that thinks and I am conscious and aware of its thinking and I relate that to being my “self.” When I meet people, it is like I am disturbed out of my mind and I just start saying things in the moment to relate to them. I have to be fully “aware” at some point that I am talking to someone to get my thoughts aligned to the situation and to try to be authentic (unconscious Fe?)
Here a video I did years ago for a class, however, it doesn’t represent what I am currently envisioning.
Yes, by the depths of the mind I mean the inner workings, the mechanisms, the labyrinths and mental constructions of reality and meaning.
I don’t think it is otherworldly because it has sexual/sensual tones in it, (I’ve seen way more sex in other art, without it being “visceral”) although it is part of it. I think it’s peeling more behind what sex is, what instinct is in itself and trying to express it through imagery and accomplishing it by transmuting into sensual awareness. It may be that its because my Se is unconscious and I have always questioned these “instincts” in myself, any kind of “feeling” of release from the control of the mind was “crazy” and “damaging” to me, but my unconscious slapped me in the face with it at some point and got to see reality from a very different perspective.
Oh and I do like Lynch’s work, although I think at some point I felt that the dream/mystery in his work felt insubstantial in the end in trying to understand it as a whole.
That’s so interesting!! In the video I could feel the ‘fear of visceralness’ that you’re talking about! :O
I may be missing the mark, because this is just how I personally experienced it. But when there was motion and distant people walking, the music was ‘suspenseful,’ like waiting for something to happen. But then when you zeroed in on these mannequins and human-shaped advertisements, the music got all intense and chaotic. Like the combination of fakeness and humanness caused a psychic disturbance.
The whole thing was ‘eerie,’ but that one element was reactive, and it showed to me that there’s an internal struggle for the viewer (the protagonist who is actually not IN the video but behind the camera, watching from outside) — a struggle with embodiment. The outside observer. Perhaps the mannequins “revealed” something that you wanted to keep hidden (from others or from yourself).
I bet you’re an enneagram 5. Have you looked into it? Am I off?
- This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Animal.
I think you are very right in your observation, it was definitely something relating to humanity and I guess even my own humanity (my own self), even though I don’t appear, and its relation to mannequins (empty humans) . I was scared of an implication in the video and I guess I was trying to show it without really understanding it. I would say that even the idea of “humanness” is questioned because of how to me I see all of them as “fake” subjects, where is the “humanity” when I am walking down a street and wait for the “walk” sign, where am I going, where is everybody going and what are they doing, what are we doing?
I oscillate between the 5 and 9, so I don’t know what would be my “real” Enneagram, I would need an outside opinion. My tri-type is 594 though 🙂
I think you are very right in your observation, it was definitely something relating to humanity and I guess even my own humanity (my own self), even though I don’t appear, and its relation to mannequins (empty humans) . I was scared of an implication in the video and I guess I was trying to show it without really understanding it.
Hehe, this is what I love about art. I let it write itself through me so that it shows me what’s up 😀 I don’t think it’s necessary to fully ‘understand’ the art or the message, even as the artist – because part of the magic of art is that it translates something that is beyond words and beyond ‘verbal’ comprehension.
I would say that even the idea of “humanness” is questioned because of how to me I see all of them as “fake” subjects, where is the “humanity” when I am walking down a street and wait for the “walk” sign, where am I going, where is everybody going and what are they doing, what are we doing?
So true. I have a similar feeling. This is why I moved away from the city, back to the suburbs, and I’m hoping to move out west as soon as health & money allow. The humanless human thing just feels too cold to me.
I oscillate between the 5 and 9, so I don’t know what would be my “real” Enneagram, I would need an outside opinion. My tri-type is 594 though
Cool 🙂 I could see heavy 9 influence too for sure. I’ve been studying enneagram for many years.
- Type: SeTi
- Development: lll-
- Attitude: Adaptive
They way I currently view this topic.
Purpose is actually a state of mind.
You can actually seemingly live without purpose completely and fully yet still be completely fulfilled in the department of purpose and meaning. As long as that meaning is seen or experienced (Pe) purpose is felt.
Purpose to me is not having a goal, but knowing that wherever I am going there is a goal. I may just be unaware of it in my current state yet I know I am on the right track. (Ni) synchronicity and such. having that synchronicity line up in a way that helps me and doesn’t threaten me. if left to my own devices the synchronicity is always there but taunting me. With a re-orientation via communication and energy absorption you can re-align. however! I find that you can’t re-align in a stagnant position. you must make the initial push, move out of the gunk and PUSH, once you get moving, that’s when you want the alignment. (Ni). this provides meaning, it provides purpose inadvertently because even though you are still living moment to moment, the meaning of life unfolds as the fabric of the universe is revealed in the world, real time, in the moment (Pe) as you move through it. Your (Pe) is serving a goal (Ni) even if that goal is not completely felt and seen. it is understood. there is no goal (or if there is one it’s invisible), just the correct path.
oh Lordy I hope this makes sense. ha ha.
I’ve had a pretty good day so I am hoping I don’t sound crazy.
It makes sense except that as a Pe lead, I can’t relate to it. I am not someone who ‘doesn’t know why’ I am doing things. I’m self conscious, self-digging, self-exploring…. to a fault. I always feel a sense of purpose even if sometimes this is a delusion – I strongly err on this side. So it cannot be “Pe’ but rather you personally who feels this. My theory is that the difference is more rooted in enneagram. Because each enneagram type has its own motivations which either lend itself to a defined ‘sense of purpose’ or don’t.
I always feel that I’m aware of why I’m doing things and what the point of it is. I don’t plan out each moment nor do I want to. But I have a general scheme that I follow and if I see myself veering away, I ask myself why and I self examine. To me the idea of purposelessness and ‘moment to moment happenstance’ seems less fun than suicide. I do think that other people can enjoy this and live this way, quite honestly, happily and productively – but it’s not me. I could not let go of my self-examining impulses and ‘sense of meaning’ if I tried.
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