Postcard from an alien psychology.

[Aux]

Social media *sigh*

Ok, I'm confused. Where are these 'free' friendships? Don't all relationships come at a price? In what way are friendships built that they don't extract a toll - a cost - to those participating? Doesn't it demand energy from the participants? An emotional, mental, physical and temporal investment? Or, let's say, a garden that dies without constant feeding, nurturing, weeding? Who can afford that?
I just had to comment somewhere when this image crossed my path, because it feels like a glimpse of something I cannot comprehend, and I wonder, to whom does this make sense? And, a part of me is sad. Because, the possible 'friends' I see all come with a price tag... and, I can't afford them. I don't trade in 'friendship' currency.
I wonder, is my psychology grossly aberrant? I'm autistic, maybe that is why it seems so alien. Maybe I just need to grieve. But, if this image makes native sense to you, what is it like living in that kind of psychology?
 

[Juan E. Sandoval]

Aux, wb!
I'll be your friend! my maintenance fee is 1 message per year, how's that for a deal?
jk
On a more serious note, I've always been a fan of this outlook:

 

[Bera]

Hello, Aux !
I actually saw that image recently and loved it ! It reminds me of me and 3 of my friends. <3
Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to spend with my friends, because I work a lot and my type of work also involves lots and lots of socializing, which is energy consuming. So, by trial and error I learned that the amount of energy I have is enough for one major free time - socializing event per week. I can do 2 of them now and then, but at a higher energetic cost.
So, a couple of the things I do to keep a good balance between friendship and alone time are :
- I consciously choose people who are independent and who have many interests to become my friends. This way, at every given time they have many other options beside seeing me (so, they will not become too pushy).
- I only go out with friends once or mostly twice / week;
- most of my socializing events are going out with one or a small group of close friends and/or playing DnD.
I highly suggest to try playing board games and pen and paper role playing games with a small group of people because this way you get to have a consistent socializing routine and an amount of time investment easier to manage.
My DnD group meets once or twice / month and we spend more or less of half a day together, playing. But playing DnD takes less energy and socializing than talking to someone for hours. And I started to explain why but this message has gotten a bit long, so I will detail it only if you would like to hear more about it. 🙂
Also, this type of socializing (like playing games together) makes people have a framework for the time they are spending together. If we know we meet up every second Saturday at 2 p.m. at our friend's place to play a game...we will tend to keep those limits and not overstep them like other types of friends would. So, my friend will probably not call me Tuesday evening to ask me if she can drop by because she just happens to be close to my place, you know?? 🙂
Now...I do have friends I talk to on a daily basis. My best friend is pretty close to me emotionally and we talk about everything. But she is also very busy, so I only see her once/week. Again, we both have a clear idea about how often we will meet, it's not like that situation in which your friend is also your neighbor and knocks on your door every time she has something to tell you. 🙂
So, I think building a bit of a routine in your social activities helps a lot. 🙂 Like...just make it clear you can see them once a week or twice/month or how often you feel like or find a framework like that of meeting up at gaming events or joining a club etc.

[Aletheia]

Hi @aux 🙂

 And, a part of me is sad. Because, the possible ‘friends’ I see all come with a price tag… and, I can’t afford them.

^ This! Yes.. very well put.
I relate a lot with what you're saying here, maybe because I'm a Ji-lead and have mild autism as well. It just seems like there isn't enough of me to meet all of life's demands as it is, let alone properly nurture friendships. My relationships die along with so many neglected goldfish and house plants >.< Needless to say, I can't fathom the sort of situation depicted in the image you shared. Connection is earned through one's time and work, never simply given for the sake of pure affinity.. or so it seems to me.
You speak of being 'alien', I'm sure you've heard of this place: https://wrongplanet.net/

[Aux]

Ahh, and so far in social debit am I, I committed Grave Dereliction of a Thread, when others have contributed thoughtful and valuable insights. Thank you. Now, too rushed to be able to address you, Auburn, Bera and Alerith, I can only offer this as thanks:

[Bera]

Hey @aux !
You are welcome ! I LOVE cats ! <3 And I have a cat who is also my best friend.
I think I found an image that combines the first one and the last one you posted !
There is no better friendship than that of a cat ! <3

If you want to share more cat pics and illustrations and stuff about cats, we can open a thread ! <3 I will think of a way to connect it to CT, hm. 🙂 The Super Secret Fi Cat Tower? Ji Cat Castle ? Pe Feline Friends Thread? <3  I am bad at finding thread names, but cats are always a good idea. 🙂

[Aux]

Yes! Cats are a whole world of love! Beautiful image. When I had the ideas and energy I was going to waffle on about the symbology of hair and the intertwining of these 'friends' (original image) being more than a collection of friendly individuals, but a suggestion of a super-being. Sharing of the senses; the sensory antennae: the perceptions and the stance, therefore a shared identity, history and future. They're like an array.
I have lots of pics I've taken of my kitties, and some of them must be good meme-making material. There needs to be a thread. 😀 It could be something like:
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Freud
or,
Schrodinger's box (...my god, it's full of cats!)
🙂
 
 

[Aux]

@Bera I started a thread for cat pics I've taken that might be good meme material, if you (or anyone!) would like to use the images and share what you come up with... or just enjoy the images. 🙂
https://cognitivetype.com/forums/topic/not-grumpy-time-spent-with-cats/
 

[Bera]

Wonderful !!! The best thread ever !!!
I never made any memes but there is a start for everything. 🙂
Oh, dear, some of you ask for vultology GIFs, others for cat memes, what am I going to do? I feel overwhelmed ! <3
I think Ne users are the best at making memes but if I have any good ideas, I will share them.
I can also contribute with some cat pics as possible meme material.

[Aux]

Hehe, must be something in the air for creative projects. Any contributions welcome ^_^

[Author]

Posts