Is this Alin?

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  • #11747
    Supah Protist
    Participant
    • Type: SeTi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Directive

    In this post I'll be describing my experience with what I think may be the Alin myth.
    I think it may have started in middle school when I began to realize that nothing is certain. I don't know where this realization came from, but it was like an unconscious understanding that became conscious. This first thing to go were my religious beliefs, because for me, they were based in certainty. The best way to describe it was that I thought that I just knew that nothing was certain and that belief was incompatible with my religious beliefs.
    I don't think it emerged again until college. I don't remember what set it off, but I do remember that I entered into a very intense pensive state. This was different from the introspection that I have described before, because I wasn't thinking about myself, but trying to figure out questions about the universe and reality entirely in my head. I don't think that was Alin though, but what I do think may have been Alin was the deconstruction of all of my beliefs that I engaged in soon after. I don't remember why, but I essentially threw out all of my beliefs that I had had up until that point. I think it may have resulted from seeing a lot of my beliefs undermined by my experiences, but I'm not sure.
    I don't think the deconstruction has really let up since then. Essentially, every time I have a thought "X" it is contested by a question like "How do you know "X"?" that I am unable to answer. Every conclusion I arrive at has to survive that question or one like it, but I don't know how to formulate an appropriate answer. This issue may be a matter of a lack of proof, since when I have a thought, I can't really demonstrate or prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the thought is correct. Another issue may be the lack of quantifiability of linguistic thought. Everything I've written here can't be proven or disproven, because it's impossible to rigorously define the words I've used. There are no agreed upon definitions of words so it's impossible to parse them for truth. Another issue is just human fallibility. How do we know logic works?
    I think I could go on, but what I'm trying to get a sense of is whether the Alin myth is associated with this constant self editing or checking process I just described. The way Alin is described in the arcane myths section is as close a description of my experience with this doubting and uncertainty as I've seen anywhere. Non-assertion is exactly where I'm at now and I'm wondering if other people have had this same experience.

    #11798
    Rua
    Moderator
    • Type: NeTi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Adaptive

    I have been mulling over the primary subject and possible branchings of this thread of thoughts since I first saw it, will keep letting it stew; I suspect I'll have something to post by the end of the week. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you've said above, but there are certain distinctions that need to be clearer in my own mind before I could say too much on the subject.

    #11959
    Rua
    Moderator
    • Type: NeTi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Adaptive

    Too many threads to untangle; I will start by saying what I experience the core of Ji/Ti to be in myself.
    The essence of Ji is found in its purpose as a compass, but I feel Ji embodied in me as a hollow pillar or tube running perfectly straight and "through" the center of "myself" in both directions, extending infinitely below my feet and infinitely above my head.
    The tube itself seems to function just as a natural object would, where the void inside the tube inevitably pulls in surrounding material, but this tube's void pulls the "stuff" of my morality (spiritually charged matter/energy) into it and radiates that outwards into the rest of my body-environment. When I was at my most mentally ill and depressed and hateful, I felt an overwhelmingly visceral core of rot inside this pillar, spreading, spreading a physical and spiritual death that originated in my center and was creeping outwards into my chest, limbs, hands. Thankfully I still had sense enough not to ignore a warning signal that strong from my "moral compass" and sought treatment the next day, but I am certain I will never forget the experience, and since I now possess it I might as well be thankful I have it so that I can always know which "direction" to steer clear of.
    After going for a jog I was able to visualize the tube clearly and without effort, flowing with a yellowish,
    mostly positive matter/energy but speckled with flecks of empty space.
    When I start thinking about Ti, and if I had to boil it down to the most basic axiom I can see in myself, it's quite silly: Nothing matters, therefore do what is good.
    A little later I thought of the phrase "Nothing is true, everything is permitted" (can be an excellent exercise in problem-solving), and then I thought of Nietzsche.
    Lo and behold Nietzsche quotes the line himself in On the Genealogy of Morality, so I will let the text speak for itself:

    When the Christian crusaders in the Orient encountered the invincible order of the Assassins, that order of free spirits par excellence, whose lowest ranks followed a rule of obedience the like of which no order of monks ever attained, they obtained in some way or other a hint concerning that symbol and watchword reserved for the highest ranks alone as their secretum: “Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” —Very well, that was freedom of spirit; in that way the faith in truth itself was abrogated. Has any European, any Christian free spirit every strayed into this proposition and into its labyrinthine consequences? has one of them ever known the Minotaur of this cave from experience?—I doubt it […]

    #12553
    Supah Protist
    Participant
    • Type: SeTi
    • Development: ll-l
    • Attitude: Directive

    Do you think nothing matters, therefore do good could be Ti + Fe? I think I may be experiencing the dark side of the Alin myth, “cynical nihilism” as it’s described in the entry on Ti. I don’t think I’d ever want to be enthralled by the light version of the Alin myth though. Saying that everything is knowable may be correct, but could also be incorrect. That being said I’m probably just pretty deep into the dark side of Ti.

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