Feeling hopeless

[Rickus]

Lately I've been having these moments of existential dread. I understand that it is not the same as that of a Ti user since I don't have Ti, so I guess its an Fi existentialism if that makes sense. I really want to live my dreams and become something, do something with my life that is worth doing (perhaps Fi-Te, being a human doing). But sometimes it just seems so fruitless, like there is no fruit from all my labour. I've been taking singing lessons for months, and I think my singing is good but I feel like whenever I share my covers of songs barely anyone notices, people just don't seem to care or take an interest.
I also have this crazy dream of wanting to be a Korean Pop idol, but perhaps it is an unrealistic dream, since I'm not Asian and I'm 26, which is above the age of auditioning there (apparently you can still audition but chances of getting in are still slim if your a foreigner).
I am also taking this medicine to help me stop shaking, it seems to work during the day but last night it came back and I felt frustrated by it.
I think its like when an Se cannot escape the unbearable here and now, and Ni reinforces that unbearable reality. Oh my gosh its driving me crazy.
Sorry just felt like ranting.

[Rua]

Helloo
I am sorry to hear that you've been feeling hopeless. Based on what you've shared here I think there are some really helpful things to consider that you may or may not have already, so my apologies in advanced if this advice is unwanted or unhelpful.
Lowering your expectations of yourself and the results of your labours may be in order. People tend not to pay attention or recognize someone's efforts in a given domain until a certain level of mastery has been achieved, and even then there are no guarantees. It often takes years of continuous effort to see strong results in any domain. Personally I have my own labours in terms of voice modulation that I struggle with, but it helps to know that the timeline I'm working within is better measured in years than weeks or months.
It sounds like singing is something really meaningful to you, and it's really great that you have a creative outlet. Using your own performances as your main point of comparison, rather than using your ideal or highest aspiration can help a lot with motivation. That way you can observe and take joy in your personal progress by comparing yourself against your own recordings instead of focusing on the distance between you and your ultimate goal. The amount of things one will want but never possess is practically infinite, so it's best to focus on what's immediately available first. You already have lessons that you are taking, so maximizing the benefit you get from those sounds like a good use of time. Reflecting and writing down the areas you really want to improve upon ahead of the lesson could help quicken the progress you'll find there.
Hopefully some of this was helpful, and I wish you the best of luck with your singing and health issues

[Rickus]

Dear Rua
Thank you so much. What you said makes a lot of sense and your right I think it's better for me to compare my current efforts to my own previous efforts and utilize the singing lessons I am taking.
I also think the industry I want to be in has really high standards so I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed if they don't see my potential immediately.
You've been a great help and a voice of reason to me, thank you for that
 
 
 
 

[Anonymous]

Hey Rickus,
First of all, Life itself is already a struggle worth accomplishing. Other animals do it and it's pretty hard for them, it's no different for us. If you like singing, then I shouldn't nor anyone else stop you from doing it and you might get lucky. However, one thing people fail to mention is that people expect us to go from children to adults and this process is very scary and sad. It means accepting reality that takes some time to accept and can even include existential dread. Don't be so hard on yourself and be open to your feelings, even if they are "dark." I've had to curse people, the universe and myself in order to accept this reality and grow up.
If you have any questions let me know I'll try and help as best I can.

[Rickus]

Hi Gnosis                                         Wow you really have an excellent point there. Perhaps I shouldn't focus so much on getting recognition for it and just try to enjoy it for recreational purposes in any case, and if I get lucky great. Yeah I don't feel like I ever really grew up, though I have gained life experience, the idea of maturity is such an abstract concept to me, hard to fathom.
 
 
 

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