Fallen Affect and Function Expression (Personal Disclosure Included)

[Rua]

So, I don't think there's ever a good time to talk about these things, but I will do so here and now; it seems as fitting a time and place as any, and I have so little tolerance left for feeling ashamed of who I am or for events outside of my control. The purpose of the disclosure which is to follow isn't to elicit sympathy, but to function as the next step in my own path, and with the express goal of adding visibility which could be helpful to others struggling with similar issues.
To state it as plainly as possible: sexual, physical, and emotional abuse are at the heart of my own experience with fallen affect and function integration and dysfunction. Seeing Auburn's recent analysis of Fiona Apple and discussion of fallen affect and its influence on the psyche brought these topics back to the forefront for me, and as stated above, now seemed as good a time as any to share my perspective. What I write here is a continuance of the emotional openness I've been pursuing in my personal life, which I am all the happier for. Together with other changes I am pursuing, I am confident I can continue to remove the burdens I no longer feel compelled to carry.
Beyond the desire for my own personal growth and healing, I am always hopeful that any given disclosure can function as a catalyst to aid someone else on their path. This was certainly the case for me when I learned about Tori Amos' assault and her use of art to transform her abuse into something empowering instead of victimizing. I am grateful to be good friends with an amazing woman who was willing to disclose her own abuse to me, which helped me tremendously. Processing abuse deprives it of power and influence, and discussing it with others can be a healthy continuance of that journey. That being said, I do not encourage anyone to disclose if they possess doubts about this process, or if they haven't thought through its possible negative consequences for themselves and those around them.
What I won't be doing is going into any graphic detail. Doing so outside of specific and agreed-upon contexts can be detrimental and inappropriate for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it can trigger suicidal feelings in those affected. I believe it's enough to say that these abuses happened at a young age for me, and that the physical and emotional aspects continued in various forms for many years; hindsight indicates to me that during childhood and beyond I sought these further abuses upon myself to manifest the suffering I believed I deserved. Thankfully, today I can say with clarity that I no longer feel I deserve further suffering or abuse of any form. Though I can still see the refractions of these unhealthy experiences and dynamics in some of my current behaviors, I am certain that with time and effort I will continue to progress towards a healthier version of myself.
It is quite draining to write about this topic still, so I'll stop here for now, but in the future I hope to write in more specificity regarding fallen affect and function development as I understand the relationship between them.

[Bera]

Hey, thank you so much for disclosing this. It must be really hard to open up about these things.
Do you think you developed these functions in order to find a coping mechanism or a solution for your emotional problems that were triggered by the abuse? Or do you think you would have developed them anyway?
Also, do you think you had fallen affect BEFORE developing the functions? Or did it start to appear after developing them?
Maybe some childhood pictures could help?
I think one of the main things that need to be fully clarified is if people who went through emotional trauma (and hence have fallen affect because of this) also tend to develop more functions as a method of coping with the trauma or healing...or if people who develop lower functions tend to suffer emotional trauma from the process of developing these functions and then sometimes also develop flat affect (or both, as I think is the current view of CT, no?). Or if in some cases flat affect is just a visual signal that is not necessarily correlated to deep trauma or to any emotional problems, but possibly one that comes with lower functions being developed (so, no actual imbalance exists but different function signals somehow neutralize each other to create this specific look?).
Maybe it would be good to try to have a survey of people with fallen affect and see :
-if they did go through emotional trauma;
-if they were actually diagnosed with any mental problem;
-if any of them tried to develop lower functions using active imagination/visualization or simply used active imagination/visualization with another purpose...and now has some new conscious functions and/or fallen affect (we all know about The Red Book, we all know Jung appears to have had fallen affect, I hope I am not dropping a bomb here :/);
-if they tried to develop functions using other methods and the functions did become conscious.
Actually maybe this survey should also be answered by people who don't have fallen affect, starting with the ones who have conscious lower functions...?
To determine the frequency and hence the causal link between fallen affect and lower functions becoming conscious and which is first, the fallen affect or the function development. AND - if the fallen affect necessarily correlates to emotional problems or not. AND if functions CAN be developed at will and - if so - which methods might be safer.

[Author]

Posts