Reply To: When and Why did your Extra Functions Develop?

[Thana]

Fi - My relationship with my Fi has been volatile, manifested in a black and white manner which bleeds into my relations with loved ones. I've always been attuned to my own self-expression and I'm always finding ways to fine tune my mode of expression in the way that I see fit. I frequently philosophize about my inner essence, what that actually is and how do I manifest it. I see Fi to be quite a yin function and through that, I've been in a life long conflict with my own femininity and the feminine principle, as well as learning how to (healthily) navigate my relationships with both men and women. As someone who's very attuned to their dark underbelly and destructive instincts, I want to channel my shadow towards more constructive and higher purposes. The name Thanatesque used to give way to of images and feelings of todesfuge and nihilistic self-destruction. But now I've re-purposed it to symbolize the death and destruction of illusions and shackles, using my shadow as a mirror for others to recognize, confront, and deal with their own shadow, and eventually reach a sort of enlightenment and fulfillment in doing so.
Se - I view Se as a primordial life force that's necessary to experience reality in it's fullest form (as someone with inferior Se). A will to being. My experience of Se is heavily symbolic and impressionistic. A concrete example of this is my love of art and aesthetics. Where words end, art and aesthetics fill in the gap where words no longer suffice. Art and aesthetics are languages in and of itself with their own set of rules, codes, and signifers. Similar to verbal language, the language of aesthetics is dynamic and subject to frequent paradigm shifts but in even more rapid succession than verbal language. We metabolize images on both a conscious and subconscious level and decoding those meanings has been an interest of mine.
There was a period of time in my where my anger issues and depression have reached their zenith simultaneously, and it was during this time that I idolized and deified the rage that I carried. It gave me a sense of vitality, motivation, volition, and power that I'd otherwise never felt. Little did I realize at the time that it was an emergency attempt to access my Se, especially during a time where I felt psychologically, physically, emotionally inert, and mired in my own delusions, paranoia, grief, and repressed emotions.
For me to access Se is to disrupt my normal mode of being which is to be disengage with the world and be internally focused, But that disruption of the normal flow of things is necessary in order to fully self-actualize.