1. Despite your non-standard development, in what ways does your Te still come out in your life and personality?

*putting on some Audiomachine as I prepare to write*

I’ve long viewed my Te as just being “assertive.” I was an “assertive” INTP for years, and this seemed to fit, for a time. Then I’d receive INTJ on an MBTI assessment at a later point while never quite identifying with it likely due to the stereotypes and assumptions associated with this archetype and TJs in general. That’s the thing, though, right? I likely wouldn’t identify with the traits or manifestations of Te because it just is. It operates as my default, so I was perhaps partially blind to the way I built my identity or saw myself. I also didn’t get the sense that I was rigid or constantly chasing control or grand visions a la ENTJ world conqueror with cluster b personality traits. I felt my scope or vision for myself was contained and centralized, and more free-flowing, like a “perceiving” type.

But at my core, there was always a sort of pushing against the environment or engaging head on with intense, laser-like focus in whatever pursuits that piqued my curiosity. I can trace this back to my late teen years. I was always fervent, diehard in my convictions and expressing them quite dispassionately. I knew I was right, and it didn’t come from a place of emotion or feeling. My convictions were not delivered in that manner, but I still held to the systems I firmly accepted and integrated into my overarching worldview. My approach has always been deliberate and mechanistic. I can be quite clinical and relentless in the way I deliver information. In early adulthood, I often wondered if this was simply something I grew into, overtime, as I became more comfortable disseminating and imparting information. But no, this was pretty evident even during what would normally be the “finding yourself in college and coming out of your shell, quietly.” phase.

To illustrate this, I’ll detail a situation, a story, back when I was newly married at 18. I re-dedicated myself to a religious/ideological worldview that would later lead me to Christian apologetics, following in my father’s footsteps. As with anything dealing with religious politics and theology, there are a lot of schools of thought concerning various doctrinal views, and I engaged heavily in these spaces and poured a lot of energy into these “deep dives.” When I came upon information (other doctrinal views) that conflicted with my interpretation of scripture or denomination’s accepted doctrines, I compiled the “evidence” and where I uncovered the doctrinal or theological “misinterpretations” or “unbiblical” doctrine. I was a biblical literalist and inerrantist, and this has varying degrees of meaning and application based on the brand of theology. I distinctly remember adopting a strong stance on a matter that my church didn’t recognize. I explained to my then-husband (19) that I wanted to have a meeting with our pastor to discuss these matters, and he sheepishly agreed. (I suspect he is Si lead, poor thing looked very “I don’t want to be here.”) I even brought stacks of papers with me AND notes. This was also during the time that I was doing heavy investigations into my then-Church’s scandals and just how far-reaching they were with deep roots at the very top. I remember calling around to the churches embroiled in scandals asking very pointed questions. This slowly started eroding my patience and [blind] acceptance and allegiance to my brand of theology. I uncovered a lot of discrepancies in the overall system. I had no problem making these issues known.

I was always expected to assume the role of a “helpmate” and this didn’t come easy to me. In principle, I understood it. I understood the doctrine and preached it fervently. I devoured all things Proverbs 31 woman and adopted the moniker “Above Rubies.” In theory, it made sense, in the context of my religious worldview. But in practice? Not at all. I don’t mean that in the sense of  “I wear the pants” and “I’m the head of the household” pushback against socioreligious and sociocultural customs and principles. I mean it in a psychological sense. I attended women’s bible conferences and was groomed to attend bible college to find a “godly husband.” I…just didn’t operate that way. My mind was just naturally attuned to running the show or knowing how to plan, organize and get things done. I naturally took the lead and took notice to discrepancies or incompetence. I saw myself as both “book smart” and “street smart.” I adapted very well to changing situations and dynamics, so I took the military lifestyle in stride. I knew how to intuitively navigate these rapidly changing situations and social/life dynamics even at 18/19. The ease of adapting and taking things on in a more mechanistic, detached way led to a lot of self-reflection and why I didn’t quite relate to peers, especially women, or why, when I became a mother at 20, I did things in a different way. I started pushing against conventional wisdom with my philosophies and practices being largely grounded in instinct and passed down [intuitive] practices that would eventually have strong observable, verifiable evidence and support. This was always a big thing for me. Is there sound evidence, support, measures, approach? I would apply this manner of thinking across the board.

I challenged opponents and championed my well supported, evidence-based practices. I wasn’t like the other mothers in the spaces I navigated, such as the more  traditional “motherly” or “nurturing” type. (And some of these parenting practices and philosophies strongly conflicted with the doctrinal views I adopted and integrated. Overtime, where support lacks for “belief” or religious customs that isn’t entirely circular, what could be supported or backed up by modern, critical scholarship and evidence won out, and supplanted those doctrinal views.) As a young mother, I leaned heavily on emerging nurturing instincts, and likely more NiFi-centric, while also being quite pragmatic. When asked if I was ever scared or apprehensive at the thought of becoming a parent at 20, I didn’t relate to this, as I came from the view that I had a solid foundation to work from and had a knack for gathering the tools and resources to build on and support my framework. I did what needed to be done. If it wasn’t grounded in critical research or wasn’t warranted/supported based on the situation at hand, upon further examination and dissection, I discarded it or rendered it unsound, and kept it moving. I had a vision for the kind of parenting and household dynamic I wanted to build with my kids/family and I took the necessary steps to facilitate it and make it happen. I’ve done this at every turn. My interest in personality theory 15 years ago wasn’t to figure out myself. I didn’t have these questions about my personality. My focus was my role as a caregiver, as a parent. I was studying attachment theory (parenting), developmental psychology and early childhood development with the goal to use these tools to my advantage. This eventually segued into exploring love languages, communication styles, and Jungian psychology. I’ve harnessed these tools at every stage of child and adolescent development referring back to the data and research coupled with my own intuitive practices. And baked into the framework I’ve built, I strive to empower my own kids to take a similar approach in their own development and self-discovery. I’ve provided them the space, resources and tools to embark on a similar journey that best suits different aspects of their personality/ego. I have a very open, honest, vulnerable, and transparent dynamic with my kids.

Much like my relationship with my parents, I sought to build a mentor-mentee dynamic with my kids, as they mature and move through different stages of cognitive and emotional development. While working to build them up as people, I’m also doing the same for myself. In my revisiting typology spaces after years away, in my attempt to better understand my youngest daughter, I learned a lot about myself, such as being a Te lead.

Debating, disseminating and mentoring have long been my happy place. I’ve felt this as a calling and it’s where I thrive, and parenting, especially in the way that I do it, lends well to it. But even outside the realm of parenting/mentoring, I’ve long enjoyed engaging in discourse and debate, which I guess is very on brand for Te leads. I played an instrumental role in the spaces I once frequented and the people I interacted with or developed a friendship or rapport, even if we were on opposite ends. I’ve built many wonderful friendships and connections this way that I greatly cherish.

2. What are some struggles you've faced with your native Te nature, and how have you adjusted those things over time?

My husband often tells me I possess a certain kind of commanding intensity and presence (INTP-A?). I’ve had many others express similar thoughts. I can be very intense, but not in an angry sort of way, just in my forwardness or the way I tackle something, either with focused intensity or in my delivery and methods. If I’m not satisfied with an answer, position, interpretation, finding, result, or I find it lacking and poorly supported, I can be relentless in my pursuit to challenge it or get to the bottom of the issue. This makes for a strong sense of self-advocacy as well, so my Te is equipped and adept at making sure I am heard and getting the answers I need or want.

I can be very matter-of-fact and straightforward in my handling of things, but I think even this feature has been smoothed out with the other functions, depending on the nature of the situation. I’ve had to learn to take a step back and reflect on how to best deliver information or tailor it specifically to the situation or circumstances. I can’t Te my way through all manners of life. I find that inefficient. It just wouldn’t work for me. It doesn’t work. Also, it would seem wholly exhausting to me. Like…that’s a lot of mental resources, it would seem. This can be observed in my role as a caregiver. There’s always going to be a Te core/forwardness, but I learned early on that Te-ing it just doesn’t work. It needs to be tempered. I need to allow room for other modes of thinking, processing, navigating, and existing. As a new mother at a young age (bucking the trend for most Te types), I often felt like I didn’t quite relate to most other mothers. I didn’t think the way they did or operate in that Fe way that is more commonly associated with mothering/caregiving. I was nurturing, open, affectionate, supportive, and validating just like my parents, but my way just felt…different. That sense or feeling of being an outlier ended up working for me, but it also needed to be “tamed” in a way. Starting a family at a young age was a major contributing factor. It stands to reason that lower functions start the process of developing and integrating when an event or catalyst imposes a sense of disruption to one’s cognitive homeostasis or equilibrium. This event necessitates a shift in response to that changing environment or circumstances, thereby allowing one to better accommodate or adapt accordingly. I was 20 and pregnant and my then-husband was deployed during OEF/OIF (AFG/Iraq war) and then had her during the deployment. I jumped into plan/prepare mode. I tackled one change, setback, hiccup after another, and military life is full of the unexpected. I developed a “go with the flow, tackle things as they come” vibe, and this likely led to my receiving a “P” result on a bunch of personality tests back then.

Also, I should note that gender norms and social conditioning play a big role in the way I navigate my world and different environments. I think I learned to smooth out some rough edges early on as I knew this would only serve to help me better understand different dynamics and the best approach to maneuver in certain environments and situations. I can be hyper observant to social dynamics and cues, even more so than my Fe husband.

My Te is smoothed out a bit, but there are certain times that it will come out to play, like when people talk loudly in a movie theater, or act obnoxious and inconsiderate. I don’t play around with my movie-watching. I will speak up.

Oh, and that brings me to a situation where, perhaps another Te or individual may speak up in light of a discrepancy, confusion or misunderstanding. I had to backtrack my thinking/assessing process after one of my teenagers pointed it out. My husband and I along with our teenagers saw a film (ahem, Everything Everywhere All At Once — it’s a masterpiece. It’s amazing, thrilling, absurd, wild, heartwarming, superbly acted, and beautifully imagined. I’m listening to the score as I type this) a few weeks back. There was an individual in one of our assigned seats. I didn’t say anything or request that they move.

My 15-year-old asked if it was my way of keeping the peace. I explained that I made a logistical decision in a split second. I saw that in order for the individual to move, five people would have to move, including two young kids. It made more sense for one of us to just take another empty seat seeing as the auditorium had so few people to begin with and I knew the chances of someone buying a ticket for the seat we weren’t assigned was slim. Had it been a full auditorium a la Doctor Strange 2 coming up, I’d have said something, but it just didn’t make sense in that particular situation. I’ve learned there’s a time and place to default to the more forward Te employment.

3. How do you put your Te to use for lower function needs?

In terms of my own psychology and lived experiences, I’ve built a good portion of my identity or self-concept on my lower functions, and Te is what brings these visions or desires to light. It knows how to organize and navigate the logistics to make things happen in the way that I map out or envision. If my introverted processes anchor me to my inner world or sanctum, Te does the realizing or actualizing of my inner world/psyche. Te provides a sort of structure or framework that knows how to organize and manage a range of components or concepts to achieve a sort of aim or goal. I’ve observed this play out in my creative, academic and personal or lifestyle pursuits.

Continuing the more lighthearted topic of conversation, I took a very Te-esque approach when I started dating again following the end of my first marriage. I was never quite hesitant or unsure. I just…jumped right in and knew the exact approach I needed to use to filter, screen and narrow down the dating pool. I had a specific audience in mind and I knew the approach that would best appeal to the demographic I was interested in. I also researched the demographic breakdown and statistics of my region/area to assess the odds of finding suitable or compatible interests and matches. My approach was methodical and deliberate. I had a very specific relationship dynamic that I knew I was well suited for and I looked for very specific criteria that would best facilitate that dynamic. It was highly efficient and effective. I didn’t take a “cast a wide net” approach. My core type is not widely represented in most populations, and less so where I lived at the time. I had to be creative. I knew the statistics and where my type was best represented. It’s all about marketing, and I knew how to do that, almost intuitively without much effort. I wasn’t ever disingenuous. I’m very big on being open and upfront from the jump. I put it all out there and I had fun with it.

That said, I’ve been told numerous times in relationship/dating discussions (another area that’s in my wheelhouse) that my approach lacked the meet-cute “organic” nature of meeting and letting it happen naturally. I wasn’t about that life. I didn’t have the patience to engage in that manner. I found it incredibly inefficient when it came to assessing overall genuine compatibility. (And I’ve exclusively used online platforms since the late 90s, and it’s been highly effective and successful.) I didn’t want to waste my time or someone else’s time on a non-starter. I needed to know the nitty-gritty, meat, not milk, from the start, else, it’s not going anywhere. I didn’t want to gamble with orange and red flags popping up months or years down the line. I thought it was apt to just cut to the chase. (My husband mentioned Keirsey/Bates’ book in his profile, and that was what I referenced when I reached out to him. And one of the first questions he asked me in IM chat, after initial hellos, was to inquire about my decision to state that I’m agnostic in my profile. Then I went into Huxley’s epistemological position. He scored major brownie points for not just demonstrating he read my profile, but going straight to asking genuine, pointed questions.)

My Te process was very influential in my dating adventures, and the approach/tactics I used to create my dating profile, I used for grad school resumes/C.V. My profile was straightforward, playful, witty, creative, and 2100 words in length with its own “score” and hyperlinks to make it fun and interactive. Again, I had a type, and I dropped various Easter eggs and references to attract certain people, because they’d just “get” it, and most of them did. I figured, I want to be thorough and I want results, but it also needs some pizzazz and oomph. If someone is going to take the time to read my dissertation, er, profile, I should put in the effort to make it fun and engaging.  (The vast majority of my top interests matched or exceeded me in profile length, such as my husband and past partners. )

This is yet another one of my essays, so I’ll end it here, for now. I’m also just now realizing that this is my first post on the forum. 

• This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by AeonLux.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by AeonLux.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by AeonLux.

I got to this far later than I wanted to. And I apologize. I should have been better about my time management. Nevertheless, I think the goal here is to understand the psyche of a Te-lead so I'll answer these as best as a I can in my native Te state. Though, Fi may influence it more than I want it to. That being said, I hope it provides insight.

1. Despite your non-standard development, in what ways does your Te still come out in your life and personality?

I share a similar thought to that of Aeona (metaphysique), I'm not always aware of my own Te. In that, I don't really think about Te as a function in my psyche. Rather, Te is my default engagement in reality. It's as natural as breathing. However, I'm not unaware of how my engagement style interacts with others. Now, I could tell you how I observe some of the effects I've had on others (and I mean you know I will), but instead I'll share some quotes that have emerged throughout my life.

"You need to learn to slow down"

"Think before you act"

"Why are you so dramatic?"

"Shhhhhhhh"

"You're always in a hurry, slow down, appreciate things."

"Why are you always stressing out about things?"

"Calm down"

Some of that points to my struggles with anxiety. The main point of that is I have a transactional approach to the way I engage with the world. If I was to summarize this, it's more so me seeking to extract some value out of everything I do. Accomplish some task or desire. Even if it's as simple as socializing. Speaking of socializing, that's one of the ways I think Te really manifests itself. I can come across as intense when I'm particularly engaged. I'm passionate, confident, and don't accept anything less than achieving my goals. In my younger days (and honestly parts of this mentality still exists), I used to say that I "I always get what I want.". Of course, I never really did haha I just liked to believe that I did. Now, that particularly statement comes across incredibly arrogant (and I very much was) but what I think is better to highlight is that I'm tenacious. Other than the negative side-effects that sometimes comes from my engagement style (which has manifested itself in the discord a time or two which I do genuinely feel bad about), something that others would say about me is that I'm goal-oriented and endlessly driven. And I think that's how Te manifests itself the most in me. From that observation.

This isn't to say I'm selfish however. In fact, one of the most important things in the world for me is to be generous. I have no problem taking the problems of others I care about on my shoulders. A mentality similar to "you fought well, I will handle the rest" kind of thing. I'm emboldened by challenge. Empowered by opposition. I sometimes go out of my way to seek difficult things simply for the sake of it. In this way, the "Myth of the King", manifests within me and I want to conquer anything that I encounter in order to achieve my goals. I share this passion for challenge with my friends and family (what remains of it anyway) to help them in their goals (which I've done here for CT as well) simply because I get joy in seeing the smile that comes with victory. To give someone that feeling of power and accomplishment is something I deeply appreciate. It's my way of showing that someone is important to me. I want to help them achieve success in everything they set out to do and Te makes me feel quite confident about my ability to do that, though I'm not always successful in everything I do. Even for others.

2. What are some struggles you've faced with your native Te nature, and how have you adjusted those things over time?

I think my biggest issues with Te is neglecting those around me. When I'm pushing my forward towards some goal or achievement, I become obsessed by it. I can't shake it and it becomes the only thing on my mind. I push others away and I focus only on achieving. Only on accomplishing. It becomes the single most important thing to me. The only reason I made a change in that is I realized that by doing so, I woke up one day alone. With no one to turn to. I realized that human interaction is something that is important and I need to be present in the lives of those I care about. The way I did that was just to take an interest in them. Learn about their passions, what excites them. Then help with those where I can. I learned to schedule better. I learned to manage my time better. I didn't become good at this until after college ironically.

Now, I'm not sure if this is specifically Te or personality, but I struggled with anger greatly as a kid. And growing up. I met opposition with anger and tried to control the opposing force as quickly as possible. Whether that was direct confrontation, strategic retaliation, or complete removal of the opposition entirely (which has lead to early termination of relationships which was admittedly very immature of me). Over time, I learned to accept that some things do not require control. More importantly, it's not my right to always obtain control. In addition to learning that lesson, I also learned that possessing control also begets stress, anxiety, and... more anger. Learning to let go and focus on my goals made life much more enjoyable. It also helped greatly with meeting people and developing friendships. In college, I had mastered this side of me and I was the most social I had ever been.

I've always struggled with interacting with people. But I quickly became fixated on charisma, charm, and humor. I admired funny people and I admired charismatic people because they engaged with others effortlessly. I learned to say things in a "right" way, learned to time my jokes and learned to round out my sometimes overbearing behaviors. I also learned the priceless quality of shutting my mouth which I'm sure was a breath of fresh-air for many around me (literally).

As I progressed into adulthood, I learned to balance myself (though I'm prone to falling out of this balance). Learned to take things far less seriously especially myself. I learned to appreciate the flaws in myself and learned to cherish the flaws in others. I learned that life is hard but it cannot be tamed. More important than that, even if it could be tamed, I would not be the one to do it. I reached a sort of enlightenment about the way life worked. I learned to control myself and control how I choose to engage in the world. And what was important to me was to bring positivity and help people. I also had my own goals and ambitions that I still at times become obsessed with, but I make time for the other things in life.

One of the largest growing points in my life was learning that I cannot conquer the world. In that, I am only one person, and there's only so much that I can do. By learning to focus on self-improvement, love, and chasing fulfilling goals, I was gifted productive introspection, balance, and happiness. I'm still ambitious and always will be, but I don't let that ambition by my undoing.

3. How do you put your Te to use for lower function needs?

This is an interesting question and it's the one I actually put the most thought into before writing this response. The approach I'm taking to answer this is on a function by function basis!

Si 

Si and I have a very synergistic relationship. And it's one like that of co-workers more than business partners. Though, I consider Si a fundamental part of the way I "do" things. I often have ambitions that lead me to realms outside of my comfort zone. Areas of life that I know next to nothing about. My knowledge level is essential zero and I'm as green as grass. Si makes this painfully obvious in me. Now, Ne can sometimes kick into gear and give me ideas, but I don't resort to that first. Si's ability to grant me concrete understanding of the systems involved in this new field is essential. I will spend countless hours researching, reading, and experimenting (Ne starts kicking into gear in this stage as well). With Si, there's no room for misinformation. I go out of my way to ensure that every piece of the system I master produces measurable results that are verifiable by the field itself.

So for example, if a certified Vultologist says that a type is SeFi l-l- and I get SeFi l---, I'm wrong. There's no exceptions. And yes, I have my frustrations. Sometimes, I have trouble accepting the failures as failures, but in the back of my head, I know that my understanding of the system yielded improper results. And so, I backtrack, clear out the issues, and redefine my understanding of the system. Si helps me with this and with Te, I give Si that comfort of grounding. I give that sense of confidence to act in the areas outside of my comfort zone. I'm granted context, experience, and appreciation for the craft I'm taking part in. I pay my respects to the masters of the systems and seek to produce measurable results of the highest quality. Si serves Te and I'm granted a sense of confidence and knowledge in an area outside of my norm. Sometimes those systems bleed into other areas of life. And I can use the systems together to exact my will and achieve whatever it is I'm setting out to achieve.

Ne

Ne has a special place in my heart. Part of that is the bias with my undying affection for Ne users. When I think about the reasoning for this it's because they carry that side that lives within me and I desperately want to cultivate that "better" side of me. Anyway, focusing on my relationship with Ne and how Te is used to cultivate Ne.

There's several things. For one, I have a natural curiosity. I want to understand how everything works in the world. I allow myself time to explore, create, and tinker with things. Ne runs in the background and I start seeing how I can connect things together. How I can use my understanding of various systems in the world to create something that's novel and exciting. One example of this is using my understanding of Software Engineering to get into robotics, IoT, and make apps for fun as well as a side hustle. I also use a combination of Ne+Si to take the concept of engineering (pulling thematic similarities between engineering fields) in general and find myself frequenting YouTube channels revolving around Civil Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Electrical Engineering, even learning about Social Engineering. I'm also a huge fan of humor and I see the humor in just about everything. I can find humor from clean to even dark comedy. Ne grants this ability to research and indulge in various hobbies all at once and it's honestly quite intoxicating. Te is the powerhouse that makes that possible. Indeed, there's few times I'm as happy as I am when creating something. Even the smallest, dumbest thing. I made a collage yesterday for the first time ever simply to do it. As well as help with some desire of expressions. Which is a perfect segue into the last function.

Fi

Annnnd we're finally here haha. I'm having a hard time segregating Fi from Te because well, I just consider them two sides of the same coin. To split Fi away from Te would be to pull a child from his mother. To split the soul from the body. So instead, I have to talk about Te and Fi as a pair. Because in reality they always have been a pair. Working in unison, it's just that when Fi wasn't integrated in me, I was pushing Fi's desires deep down and locked away. Everything I did was a result of this underworld of desire that manifested in unbalanced Te ambition. Fi has lead me on a path of finding deeper fulfillment, individuality, and becoming "whole". I used Te to take my desires and found a way to make them happen. I looked inward and figured out what was missing within me and sought out mentors. Sought out sources to teach me the tools I needed to patch up the missing piece within me. I wanted to branch away from my family and walk my own path. Forge my destiny if-you-will. Te is great at that sort of thing. I learned to "think with Fi" if-you-will. True to Fi's operation as a Compass Function, I used Fi to guide me in the path I should walk. From it, I found a deep, deep understanding of myself. And as I became familiar with Fi's permeating effects, I learned to develop deep empathy and love for people. Sometimes stepping in as a protector of the downtrodden and defeated. I've learned that the world is far more similar in terms of the fears we share. The struggles we endure. Perhaps most challenging of them all, the penchant we all seem to share with being our own worst enemy. This understanding allowed me to be easily forgiving and incredibly patient. Seeing people as more than the mask they wear. As much more than the sum of their successes and failures. I learned to seek what lies deep beneath the surface. The person themselves.

I can't tell you what this has done for me, but it has made life beyond enjoyable. I never sacrificed my goals and ambitions however. Fi has always been paired with Te but instead of pushing it to the side and chasing what was before me. I chose to listen and shepherd the needs of my own Fi. While I was always on a quest for self-improvement. Fi helped with that quest. It helped round me out, helped me understand the world better, and helped me master myself. Te fulfills Fi's desires my allowing Fi to "speak it's voice" if-you-will. By seeking to understand myself in this world and what my purpose is for it. I allow Fi to guide my path and don't hinder it's compass-like behavior. Rather, I listen to it's voice and heed it's demands. There's a certain acceptance to it and, of course, a deep appreciation.