- Type: SeFi
- Development: ll--
- Attitude: Seelie
Oh, my, you guys wrote so much, I don’t know where to start.
There is actually one thing that bugs me a bit, but how do I express it… I think the word submissive is used here in a context where it does not truly belong. I doubt many women are submitting to society’s norms or acting in a passive/receptive way because they want to impress anyone or because they want to make men happy. We are not that selfless. 🙂
So, I think it might be better to just put submissive where it belongs and take society out of it. :))) Because society is actually not pushing women to be submissive; on the contrary, you hear a lot about the importance of being a strong, independent woman, about taking the lead, being assertive, having a great career etc. Auburn is right here.
And I don’t actually see the idea of not needing a man being that prevalent – at least in Romania. Oh, no, you need a man ! But you also need to be an independent woman ! And you need to have absolute equality and fairness in your relationship. And at the same time everything has to go your way, because you are the woman, so you should be respected and cherished !!! 🙂 Also, you should experience all your wildest fantasies with your man, because we are all free and open minded ! But you should do this while keeping the perfect fairness and equality mentioned above ! :p
There are many, many beliefs like these that actually don’t make sense if you put all of them together. But people don’t say them all one after the other like I did, they just take one of them and shove it down your throat in any given situation in which you don’t meet the standards associated with that particular thing…and keep the others for other situations. :p
Returning to submissiveness, I think it’s highly discouraged.
To give an example, just a few hours ago I met up with some friends and at some point we started talking about..taking your husband’s last name. One of us is in a serious relationship and her boyfriend suggested it might be a good idea for them to get married. And she doesn’t want to marry him, because of many reasons, one being that she would never take his last name. So, I just asked – but wouldn’t it feel nice in a way? to take his name? since it would make you feel you belonged to him? <3
And – as I should have expected :)) – she said she did not want to feel like she belonged to her boyfriend and that there was no logical reason for which she should be the one to take his last name and he should not be the one to take hers. And when you think about it logically, there really isn’t any reason for it. But this was not a rational discussion :)) I was asking her out of pure curiosity if she did not feel that taking his name would be a fun and loving thing to do. My question was in the particular half joking half romantic tone. Not inviting a debate. But she made a debate out of it.
And I think this happened because she truly believes that men and women must be equal and that there is no situation in which a woman should be in an inferior position to a man. We heard this idea a billion times, we know it. And I think this is actually part of the problem – this theory should only be applied in job – related situations. It shouldn’t be seen as a rule about how to live your life and what to do in your relationships. Because pure equality is not possible or desirable in any possible situation.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Bera.