Reply To: NeFi's with Social Anxiety

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Bera
Moderator
  • Type: SeFi
  • Development: ll--
  • Attitude: Seelie

This thread is about NeFis but I thought I could jump in too because I used to make exactly this confusion between social introversion and social introversion. :)) (which was one of the reasons I believed I was an INFP :)) )

Basically, I am socially introverted but cognitively extroverted. So, especially when I was younger, I preferred to stay home and read a book to going out with friends. And I was very shy and awkward. This changed when I moved to Bucharest and got a job at a lawyers’ office where I had to work with two very strong and a bit aggressive lawyers who expected me to become more like them and mentioned it extremely often. :)) So, I figured something needed to be done to be able to keep that job. And I started playing DnD and going out more. I believe socializing more made me less socially anxious and the difference is quite high because now no one would believe I am a social introvert and 3 years ago it would have been obvious.

Now I usually make the extra effort to be more outgoing. For example, in the shop I feel very uncomfortable about asking where I can find a product but I make the conscious effort to go and ask, because I know it’s more important for me to become a truly confident person than to feel safe for 2 minutes. 🙂

When I don’t think about it at all, I tend to act like a social introvert by default. Like…once I heard a neighbor had entered the building and was coming to the elevator, so I rushed up the stairs just to not be forced to spend 30 seconds with him in the elevator. :))

But when I realize that I am in a challenging situation that I must bravely face, I make the necessary effort to face it. So, when arriving to the elevator, I know an awkward situation will follow and I realize I must build the moral resolve and strength to endure it 😛 So, I wait for my neighbors to get in with me and force myself to say something about the weather or ask about their dog. :)) And most people have wonderful reactions, they are happy to tell me that their dog is doing well and that it will soon stop snowing. 🙂 And I feel better about myself for connecting with people and sharing heartfelt moments instead of running away from them or closing the elevator doors in front of their nose. :)) It makes me feel stellar. :p :))

But from a cognitive point of view, I am Pe lead, so I mostly engage with objects. (is this right? I mean I don’t compare them to some inner framework, I just enjoy them as they are in real time)  I had moments when I read a paragraph and pondered how it would fit with the things I believe in or with my world view but most of the times I just keep reading. 🙂

I think the distinction is very important though. This is why many people are reluctant to believe they are extroverts. Because they think that they can’t be cognitive extroverts AND social introverts.

@xxilluminisxx – I also became more reserved in my teens ! Maybe it’s also age related, because I was more outgoing as a kid. And I am more outgoing now too.

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