Reply To: Cognitive Type + Compatibility Patterns

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  • Type: SeFi
  • Development: lll-
  • Attitude: Unseelie

How do some Fe men bring out your worst?


It’s funny you say you talk to NeFi’s about relationships. I had this going on with two old friends who were NeFi, but they also constantly moralized and scolded me, misunderstood my points and misconstrued my words.  Neither relationship could last, sadly.

The NeFi friend I have now, we talk about typology and mythology and politics – and we get along splendidly. We’ve had one misunderstanding, ever. And that was resolved with a long phone conversation, where we both cried. But it was all about typology, motives, psychology and a hard time we were going through.

I find friendships only work for me if they’re based on common interests and doing projects together. The friendships I’ve had that have lasted 20-30 years, are the ones that involved working closely with someone on a project. We speak less often when not doing a project, but we still know we have each other’s back and ear when needed. But there’s a lot less pressure to “talk just to talk” in these friendships, so there’s less room for bullshit and misunderstanding.

Even as a kid, age 5, I was known as “King of the Playground” haha, because I would come up with a plot and characters and direct all the kids which parts to play, and they would obey. I liked enacting something together, or ‘parallel play’ as I got a little older, both doing separate things side by side.  Engaging in mutual learning, productivity and goals is what makes a friendship smooth for me. A strong focus on dissecting the ins and outs of internal feelings leads inevitably to misunderstanding, at least for me.

As for Te – a close friend of mine growing up was TeNi, and I can get along very well with other strong Te people, but I don’t like it in a relationship. We butt heads in the sense that Te guys feel masculine when they offer help with things – like my health, my bills, or solving other issues – and I tend to do that very proficiently myself, which makes them feel emasculated. I don’t have this problem with Fe/Ti guys, who feel masculine when they show me how to be more smooth socially or help me solve the internal dynamics of some intellectual issue that I could not possibly pick apart on my own. Of course these are broad generalizations, but I’ve found it to be pretty consistent. So my romantic major players have been Betas.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.

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