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Animal
Participant
  • Type: SeFi
  • Development: lll-
  • Attitude: Unseelie

1) Do the themes associated with your first function resonate with your personality and role in the world? How does that function manifest, and which themes of the descriptions are ‘not you?’

  • Heightened Focus: Mostly, although there’s still a sentiment here that is off.  For example: “Even if the Se user has multiple interests- which they inescapably do – whenever they are immersed in the subject at hand it is with an acute intrigue.”  I don’t have “multiple interests” per se. I have a few obsessive interests that I go deeper and deeper into throughout my entire life.  All the other interests I take on are attached to that interest. For instance: music, photography, video, writing and typology are all interests related to the same ‘Erosia’ world that I channel as a main focus. My sense of purpose is to bring Erosia to Earth and all of these very few, but very deep, interests serve that purpose.  So yes I agree with heightened focus on what I’m doing, but not the idea that I’m doing tons of different things.
  • Flow and Improvisation: Yes! I relate to being in the zone and in the flow.  That’s why I say I am a vessel through which passion emerges, and my life’s purpose is to polish the vessel, meaning – to practice skills so that when the moment of passion arises, I am equipped to channel whatever strikes me from the aether, and create a pure artistic mirror of it.  There’s this idea that the cosmos channels itself through me in the moment. This is also why I took well to the stage. That said, I absolutely suck at dancing and I’m physically ungraceful.  I have excellent balance and flow with my body but I don’t look anything like a dancer or a delicate flower.
  • Boredom & Restlessness: No. I’ve never been bored in my life; can’t even imagine what that feels like. Lock me in a white room all day and I’ll tell myself a story, or just shut off my mind and sit meditatively. These are both things I do at night when I can’t sleep, and have done even as a kid.  A lot of the time I’m more interested in what’s going on internally than in the environment around me.  That said, I have relentless insomnia, and a never ending supply of energy. But I channel it toward goals, interests, projects; and when I can’t, I’m fine just being in my mind.  Even when I couldn’t walk correctly for many months, or couldn’t move about on my own, I didn’t get bored.
  • Edginess & Stunts: No, although I’ve pulled off some pretty intense feats in the name of art (ie climbing something to get a good photograph, crossing rocky streams barefoot with expensive outfits and instruments on my back for video shoots).  But I don’t care for stunts or sports.
  • Persistence Effect: Yes.  I’m oversensitive to unwanted stimuli and I craft my environment just so.
  • Ergonomics & Aesthetics: Yes, but the description is off.  I care a lot about aesthetics and how things feel. But I don’t give a fuck about trends at all. I see my body as a canvas through which to express my inner self, my themes, my feelings. I have a whole language of color, texture and shapes that I express through my wardrobe, so trends are a non-issue – I literally don’t even notice them.  But my own expressive aesthetic is central to my life; life is art.
  • Sensual Energy: Yes, but the description is off.  I have sensual and sexual energy; I’m told I exude this. During my darkest hour I was known as a heartbreaker, huntress, conquerer.  But I lure people into my private dungeon of intensity, and most of it is comprised of novelistic stories and off-world discussion.  When I draw people in, I’m bringing them to Erosia – my music, art, meaning upon meaning, my code of colors, my home planet and all its characters – and I am exploring theirs. The last decade brought interest in typology which gives me a language to share with people so that not everyone I associate with has to speak ‘art.’  The reason this doesn’t match the description is that even at my worst when I was traumatized, I didn’t care for one night stands, cavorting with strangers, or sensual experience for its own sake. It was more about the deep lure, the dive into each other’s depths. Even for lovers I wasn’t committed to, there was an interpersonal dance in each other’s inner world.  I do this even with friends that I’m getting to know, or anyone that interests me. I’m not interested in just ‘experiencing the moment;’ I want to dive as deep as I can into each other’s past, future dreams, and psyche.
  • Addiction: Only at my worst traumatized time.  After losing everything to illness, I got into drugs, though I still had more moderation than most of my friends. I’ve never smoked a cigarette, only smoked pot for 3 months, only drank for 2-3 years. My biggest interest was LSD because I used it alone for spiritual exploration, but I was not interested in just getting fucked up and going to parties, even at my wildest. The addiction was my inner world, and penetrating my own psyche. My outer-world vice is romance, sex, beautiful men (though always obsessing over one of them for a long period of time; not strangers).
  • Delinquency: No. I mean, I was often called a rebel, but I wasn’t rebelling against anything; I was just doing exactly what I wanted to do. And I don’t feel ‘deprived of sensory stimulus’ etc. This is very much not me. Not interested in money, poverty, greed and all that stuff. My vice is seduction, arts, inner intensity.  When I couldn’t walk due to illness I wasn’t thinking about experiences I missed out on; rather, I wanted to move forward with my personal visions.
  • Trickster Myth: Hmm. When looking at this straight forwardly, I don’t go around disrupting people and causing them to face themselves Tyler Durden style.  However, I tend to transform the world of the people I date, the communities I enter. I have transformative, death/rebirth energy.  I made many collages and people told me they had Kali energy before I knew who she was; indeed they were right. There are always two opposite energies clashing against each other, transforming each other.

  • Trickster Myth, continued: “The arrival of the trickster is simultaneously cause for deep concern, as well as an opportunity for new life and fertility. ”  “For every virtue he possesses, he also carries a vice.”  “Often taking the form of a spirit, god, half-animal or man/woman, it plays tricks on others and does not recognize the rules of society.”   This is very true; I call myself Animal for a reason. I refuse to be civilized. I’m respectful and ethical, but I march to my own drum.
  • Aphorditic: Yes.  In a central, life-long way, I embody the Anima.

  • Vulgarity: Sort of.  My personality can be “too much” and forthcoming and “say it like it is” in ways that offend others or seem crass & blunt; but I’m not particularly into mooning people or doing gross things. This would interfere with my sex appeal and my aesthetic sensibilities.  That said, my art itself can be… challenging.  For others. 😉  The themes that seem to push people’s buttons the most are the ones that come so naturally to me, I don’t think twice about them.

2) Do other people see you in the themes associated with your first function? Have you received feedback about these qualities from others?

Probably not. If most people in my life would read the function descriptions, they would not pick out Se for me, but rather, Fi.

The Se myth may match people’s perception to some degree.  I’m blunt, forthcoming, challenging, full of vibrancy.  Also, people often think I’m less intellectually capable than I actually am.  Like it says in the myth, I can come off candid and clumsy at first. But then as people get to know me and see what I’m capable of producing, they realize my prowess. Although I can talk a lot, I shine when it comes to “showing” rather than “telling.”   People can read me as too intense; to them this might seem ‘vulgar’ although I don’t do rebellious things for the sake of it (like flipping off the man, graffiti and mooning).  So the myth seems fairly consistent with others’ perception of me. The rest, less so; as I pointed out, I doubt most people would see me as an over-indulgent sensualist. I don’t even wear high heels or makeup; I want to be natural and able to fight at any time, decorated to tell my inner story on the canvas that is my body. But more than that, I have a pressing, life-long need to explore and express my inner world.

Quirky Artist is the first way most people would describe me. In two separate irl social groups I was called “Art” instead of my name; many years apart. I am often told I have integrity and I’m authentic, and although someone could spin that as being ‘vulgar,’ I think they were talking about my emotional honesty and candor about my inner self.

My father once told me: There are two types of musicians. One is performers, and the other is the type that unveils their inner world and allows the audience to watch.  He then said: “I would be the first, you would be the second.”  He’s right – I’m not a performer per se; I’m not paying attention to the audience but rather allowing their energy to help fuel the channel between the music, my heart and the cosmos.

People tend to see me as artsy, alien and weird, rather than worldly. My parents used to yell, “Earth to Erica!” because I was off on my own planet.  They make fun of me for being alien, obsessively perfectionistic about my projects, and ‘out of touch with the world’ since I don’t watch tv or keep up with the times.  Nobody would call me trendy, gluttonously indulgent or financially greedy.  People don’t call me to have random fun; they call me to have deep talks and pursue art. In fact, people tell me things like, “You don’t have to feel obligated to come to my bachelorette party; I know how much you hate that stuff.”

That said, people also tend to assume I’m strong and can handle myself.  I have had men try to save my ‘soul,’ but nobody tries to help me out with worldly things. I give off an impression that I’m competent at ‘doing.’  People are more likely to correct me and try to help me out when it comes to intellectual categorizing – not that anyone ever thinks I’m stupid, but just that I can splat out a bunch of thoughts that aren’t particularly organized, and people might feel I’m missing details (which can be more Pe than Ji) — there’s a spontaneous, “hit or miss” quality. There is also something challenging about me once I get going, a death-rebirth energy – which may indeed be more “Ver” than “Edin.”

3) Is there another function theme – aside from that of your first function – that resonates more with your personality and role in the world? If so, how does it manifest?

Everything from the Fi description is point-blank stated on my website, even before I came here. http://www.ErosianExile.com – none of this needs to be explained; it’s right there.

  • Seeking the Truth to Life: On my website I refer to being a vessel through which passion and truth emerge, a channel for the cosmos, delving into myself to find the core, etc. This is an old quote, which I put on the first page due to its centrality:   “On a deeper level, I live to expose my true self through my work. I feel I’m a vessel through which songs and stories emerge. The content serves as a mirror. It exposes parts of myself that are buried deep within my subconscious, and which might otherwise remain unnoticed. In sharing my work, I hope to function as a mirror for others. What success means, to me, is knowing that my fight to sing on my album, despite speaking in a whisper, has inspired someone else to create her own artwork. Success is hearing someone quote my lyrics or reference my stories because it expresses something SHE is feeling. I want people to see themselves in my work, rather than merely seeing “me.” I want to touch on something universal. And, through bearing my own soul, I hope to inspire others to express themselves honestly, and to pursue their dreams against all odds.” -Erica Xenne, 2012
  • Attunement & Purification: I spend most of my time focusing inward and expressing what I find as authentically and purely as possible. My art can appear idiosyncratic to others, but to me, I’ve blocked out the noise of the modern world and delivered art that is aligned directly with the cosmos. I don’t watch tv, don’t play video games, don’t research other people’s takes on many things; because I want my mind to be a clean, direct channel for what sentiments are coming from the aether, and not to tarnish it with outside noise. I have been like this since I was very little, and it lines up with the avant guard artist and revisor tendencies ascribed to FiSe.
  • Permeability: I feel others’ emotions as my own. This is part of why it’s easier to hang out online; I am not constantly bombarded with the full emotional palate of those around me. I speculate that the reason I’m so into 9s is because they don’t bombard me as much with their inner states; instead, they merge with mine as well, so we find more balance between us.
  • Emotional Palate: I literally have a palate of colors to match each emotion, sense of being, current state, transformation, manifestation… I have a world of symbols, colors and shapes based on emotion and inner experience… my rooms, outfits, art and more reflect this.
  • Discovery of Inner Essence: This is a summary of my whole life. I don’t even know how to rephrase it. Just check the first page of my website and my forum name, “Animal.”
  • Idiosyncrasy & Self-Expression: Again, see the website. It starts with this quote:

  • Hypersensitivity & Overwhelm: An incredibly familiar topic; in fact, both of my most recent novels start out with a character being overwhelmed by the noise around her, the empty voices, the sensory cavalcade of undead.. etc.   The description says: “They will wear their bleeding heart in open display, emanating a private sorrow that also saturates their environment.”  This is the deepest theme in me: I feel exposed, naked.  As I said on my twitter, a good summary:

Erica Xenne @ericaxenne 9 Nov 2012
Wearing my heart on my sleeve would be an improvement. I don’t even have a sleeve. Sometimes I don’t have skin. Just bare, naked compassion.

  • Alexithymia & Dissociation: This reminds me of my old video, complaining about the lifelessness in fake “art” and pretentious upscale schools pretending that modern art actually has soul, etc. I refer to other humans as ‘undead’ – and also, my past self.

There was a time when I was a vampire, undead and stripped of humanity. Some of this is laid out in my old musings on my website. Here is one example, regarding animalism..
http://ericaxenne.com/2014/01/animalism/

And lots of stuff like this:

 

 

  • Myth: Edin, the Fairy, the Witch.  Does this not speak for itself?

4) Is there a certain “shade” of your type that you match? If so, which one and why?

I would fit the archetype of the ‘avant guard artist,’ ascribed to FiSe, but none of the shades currently ascribed to SeFi.  Gypsy comes closest – as I always dreamed of living in a mobile home – but that’s a pipe dream due to my illness. The way I have actually lived is as an artist, and I could not be another way if I tried.  I wrote my first two 400 page books between ages 11-12, and now I’m working on my very extensive fantasy series.  I had an early music career, then lost my voice at 16 to an illness, but still released an original concept album singing through my whisper.  I’ve written three full music albums, but so far only recorded one for illness reasons.  I’ve filled up hundreds of diaries, I’ve created my own aesthetic outfits; I’ve decorated my house to match my color scheme and enrich the purposes I use the rooms for… etc. My life is art.

Throughout my ventures into music, people have compared me to Tori Amos and Kate Bush (physically, musically and artistically); and my engineer compared me to Michael Jackson, who he worked with directly, because of how picky I was about each sound having to have meaning in the story I was telling, and not giving up until it resonated perfectly.  I am not particularly taken with Kate Bush or Michael Jackson and I have criticisms of Tori as well.. but objectively I can see why others compare me to them.

My style is indeed idiosyncratic, with its whole inner world story  and code-within-codes. Someone has to learn the language of my home planet Erosia to understand even the outermost layers of my inner world that I’m revealing.

The contents of my website: http://www.ErosianExile.com – barely reveal the tip of the iceburg when it comes to my huge body of work that has piled up all my life. And it’s clear based on this alone, why I would relate to this shade. My website is not some offhanded side project; it’s an attempt to organize the central concepts of my entire life into something manageable. Music, videos, poems, prose, musings, photos, artistic mission, alter-egos, expression, vision. This is what I care about and what I exude. This is me.

5) How does your personality and role in the world compare to the other people in your type category? (Note: this comparison works best if you find people with a similar profession or set of interests.)

Much like some of the SeFi’s, I possess a seemingly endless supply of energy (for my interests, not people), and I’m not particularly slow or receding even if I’m shy. When it comes to energetics, I am slam dunk SeFi — my expressions and gestures match most of the people in this category. But my personality, topics I talk about, and interests – is another story.

The other SeFi’s on this site, for the most part, are worldly and sensual just like the Se description. Compared to me, most are are less idiosyncratic, internal-emotion focused or building ‘castles’ out of their inner world.  The topics they talk about are worldly, focused on the now, on what’s happening “out there,” etc. There aren’t long-winded stories about all the connections in their inner world, like in my videos.

I did see a few other quirky artists in the database, but Lorde for one seems really invested in what other girls are wearing and what other people are doing, whereas I’m much more inner-focused and blocking out the noise outside, staying true to my message. My art is between me and the cosmos; not “women who look like models.”  Sia talks about her LGBT interests and how she’s living her life, doesn’t venture into her personal off-world planet.  Jack Black’s music is more punky and accessible, with a lot of punch, and he ‘performs for the audience’ rather than ‘sinking into himself and allowing them to watch,’ as I do.  Also, he doesn’t have nearly as much ‘internal stuff’ to say about his work. It just speaks for itself.  I want my art to speak for itself too, but when asked, I have worlds upon worlds, meanings upon meanings, characters upon characters….  all in my internal world of Erosia.  And I haven’t seen another SeFi like this.

So this is confusing to me, that there’s a group of artists I fit in with as a person (FiSe) and who I’ve been compared to by other people all my life; yet my type does not place me in their group. Meanwhile I don’t quite fit my group as a person, even if I fit the signals.  Aside from the mental focus being different moment to moment on video, my art also clearly belongs next to Tori Amos, Kate Bush, Bjork – as people keep on telling me throughout my many years doing music.

Here, there are three SeFi artists from the collection on this site: Lorde, Jack Black, Sia. You can see they are all talking about real world things, this and that “out there,” whereas in my unrehearsed videos I venture deep into long internal explanations of my personal world and view on things.

[Note: it is also hard for me to picture any of these people writing 400 or 800 page novels, which I have been doing since I was 11, and which has become my life’s focus now that I lost my voice.]

Spoiler:

This is the video I did recently for cognitivetype. My husband was asking me random questions from the list, and this was my response. I was so nervous my heart was beating out of my chest. I hate the way I look here and I’m trying to lose weight but I’m biting the bullet and posting this for now because it makes the point: the other three above are being interviewed about their MUSIC and look how they answer. In the beginning of my video, I’m being asked about something I really don’t care much about, but I still go deep into my personal world about my views on it. The last question, about what animal I relate to, is something I care about and then I start connecting it to all these symbols, systems (being enneagram 4, etc)… I could have talked about that for 30 minutes but my husband reminded me we’d taken enough time. Imagine if they had asked about my music?

Some thoughts on the comparison to FiSe…

Spoiler:
Although Michael Jackson, Prince, Bjork and Kate Bush all have a similar fussy, internal world, offworld personal idiosyncratic music style, their performance style is different, and they speak slowly and recede.  On stage, there is something holding them back – they’re perfectionistic about each move, kind of stiff and planned, even if insanely graceful.  On the other hand, Tori Amos performs more like me.  The music channels itself through her; she loses herself.   In interviews, she can be fast and on the fly, too; and she has deep internal stories to tell, much like mine.  She may have developed Ni, as there’s some Ni signals with staring off in the distance and slowing down; but she can also be fast, improvisational, etc.

When I was healthy and could sing normally, I was less held back on stage, and you could hear the perfectionism in every note.  I will post videos once I can convert them.   My voice now is problematic and changes by the day, so I’m not able to channel the same perfectionistic, clean execution of each note, which also makes my piano sloppy as it completely throws me off, despite immense amounts of practicing with a blindfold.

It’s interesting that she’d be FiSe and I’d be SeFi; yet our performance style would show me being more receding and perfectionistic than hers, when I was healthy; although overall, her vibe crosses over the most with mine.  Out of this group, she and I are more likely to go off on a musical tangent on a whim, change the execution of notes on the spot, “explore,” etc.  I would wonder if she is, in fact, SeFi, and if she is then I would feel more confident that my personality matches my category.  But right now, she’s in the FiSe group.

Re: SeFi Milo Yiannopolus, who shares my enneagram tritype.

Spoiler:
I recently talked about the differences between me and Milo Yiannopolus, who is SeFi I-I- .  He is enneagram 468 Soc/Sx, and I’m 486 Sx/So, so I thought it was an apt comparison, even though we are in different professions. I have noted, before ever typing him, that his writing style is similar to how mine used to be when I would write about politics or papers in school.  I’ve worked hard honing it so I could write my novels, but it did not surprise me that our types in both systems were so similar. He is also awkward in his body, exudes 4ish shame, dresses with a flamboyant style that is sometimes strikingly similar to my own.

That said, there are still major differences, in line with my analysis above: him being more worldly, me being more internal-world focused. He admitted himself that he used to be obsessed with money and fashion, and as he grows, he finds something more valuable (love).  For me, I used to be obsessed with making an artistic symbol of myself but, as I grow, I find I can just be… human.

Note that Jordan Peterson referred to Milo as a trickster. I’ve never had anyone assess me through that lens, in my entire life, even though I do push people’s buttons on politics and other issues.  I’ve always been told more Fi-ish things about myself, personally and professionally.  [At least, when comparing to the descriptions on this site.]  People I work with, note my artistic integrity and obsessive focus on every detail and its meaning. They have to push me to stop revising to match my internal vision and finally put out some work. This is a very different impression than the one Milo leaves; he publishes several books about the world on the fly.  Although I’m quick in conversation, in my work I’m much more fussy, obsessive, revising and self-mythology oriented.

I also don’t associate with trends like ‘sassy,’ ‘gay’ or ‘white,’ and instead express an image of my own making, which later comes to touch on outer-world archetypes (like Kali).  I aim to embody the deepest truth inside myself, which ideally would be so naked and bare that it resonates with something timeless and eternal.

I wanted to post this because I know the goal of this site is to allow the people to define the types, and to get rid of myths about types that aren’t true for people who actually embody that type. So I wonder if there should be a “shade” for SeFi to account for this, or if I am an outlier.   I’m wondering how others feel about their descriptions and categories.

I also want to add that the Fi descriptions are absolutely stellar. It seems Fi people strongly resonate with it.  I could only find a few insignificant sentences that weren’t entirely me, and this is a rarity when it comes to typing descriptions.  Cheers to Auburn for that.

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