Reply To: NeFi's with Social Anxiety

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Animal
Participant
  • Type: SeFi
  • Development: lll-
  • Attitude: Unseelie

Yeah – I’m not NeFi, but PeFi – and I’m often seen as “shy weird artist.” I’m intensely open and present when the conversation is real, but in other situations, even my introverted friends have critiqued me for being so incredibly closed off. According to some, I “don’t even try.”

I don’t have anything to say, oftentimes, because I’m no good at random small talk. Either I’m going to say something that matters to me, or I’m not going to talk at all. Not because I’m a snob, but because I really cannot think of ‘pointless’ or ‘light hearted’ things to say, and I can’t keep up with random quick topic changes or “this thing, that thing” style banter.  In my mind all things are connected to the core issues. I just can’t force myself to topic-hop, to follow a string of random this-and-thats, or to just make things up. So conversation must be meaningful and focused, or else I have nothing to say.

What ends up happening then, in effect, is I don’t get into conversations with people unless they’re inviting this. I’m polite and appropriate, but I can’t keep up with dialogue that doesn’t immerse me.  So I end up being quiet around most strangers, or sometimes even having nothing to say in my own social groups.  When I was single and went to social events, I would often pull one person aside, or just write in my own notebook.  I would go there to chase one guy, or to play music, and then I’d be stuck there and so I kept people away by burying my head in something on my own.  I also have deterrents in public places, like huge headphones, diaries, books and prickly glares.  I don’t like being approached for small talk and I try to minimize the likelihood of it.

Being married has helped with this, since we just talk to each other and observe people together. When people come up to talk to us, they usually have something to say; otherwise they don’t interrupt our make-out sessions.

Extroversion would be a hard sell to people in my life.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Animal.

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