Reply To: NeFi's with Social Anxiety

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  • Type: NeFi
  • Development: l---
  • Attitude: Unseelie

Are any of you NeFi’s with social anxiety? What’s it like having a combination of natively proactive energy, but difficulties interfacing with people?

Well, I don’t find that I have a lot of natural proactive energy. As a young child, I played outside and rough-housed a bit with some of the neighborhood kids, but by the time I was 7 years old or so, I was spending almost all of my time reading books or playing video games, usually with some sort of a fantasy theme. On that note…

So to give a behavioral example, cognitive introversion might seen in the act of reading a paragraph of a book and needing to sit there mulling over that paragraph for an hour to try to grasp how it fits into one’s existing framework or shapes it in subtle ways. Extroversion would be the act of breezing through the whole book in a few hours due to being “engaged with the object”

I often get stuck re-reading certain paragraphs and it usually takes me quite a while to finish a book, although I’ve had times where I was able to finish a book relatively quickly if I was greatly enjoying it and engaged with it. I sort of relate to the introverted example here, except for the fact that I’m not necessarily trying to fit anything into a framework or understand it. More likely, I’m just not absorbing what I’m reading and have to go back and read it again until it sticks (sometimes the same couple paragraphs several times until my brain starts working again.)

I can relate to the woman in your post when she talks about how she refuses to ask someone in a store for help and would rather try to look things up on her phone or walk up and down every aisle until she finds what she’s looking for. I’ve gotten better with that as I’ve gotten older, but I will generally waste time looking for something myself before asking for help.

I was painfully anxious about interacting with people growing up after many failed interactions, although there were a handful of specific people I was comfortable around. Some people I would joke around with when I was in a good enough mood, I often liked to make people laugh, and I still do. I spent most of my time playing video games online for both social interaction and entertainment. Later on, there was a small group of people I would hang out with occasionally but I spent most of my time alone, not really talking to anybody except online friends who I played video games with.

At this point in my life, whatever extraverted energy I have pushes me to find people online to talk to and discuss topics of interest with, although after an initial burst of interaction where I integrate into a community or something, I generally withdraw back to my state of quiet non-interaction, unless there is something that catches my interest or prompts me to engage. Social interaction is usually limited to casual humor. I can’t exactly relate to the whole quirky/zany/whacky attitude and bouncing from idea to idea. Not a lot of things catch my interest and I find my mind to move at a fairly plodding pace, although sometimes an interesting thought or joke drops into it, or an interesting connection is made.

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