Reply To: Behaviouralism of Emotional Attitudes

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Bera
Moderator
  • Type: SeFi
  • Development: ll--
  • Attitude: Seelie

I think the heartitudes will be explored more.

I am flexible and compromising when it comes to interpersonal stuff. I’m willing to take the worse deal for myself for the sake of the relationship. But I won’t compromise my beliefs, what I see as true and right, for the sake of any relationship

What I can say, as a seelie Fi user, is that the ability to be disagreeable in order to not compromise your beliefs is fairly new to me. I developed it recently, in the last year. As baseline I was not able to defend my beliefs reliably in face of adversity, while appearing disagreeable. It made me feel terrified that the other person would feel angry, sad, disappointed or offended. I could only feel extreme fear of offending and hurting others and shame of being judged for my opinions. I was simply not capable of doing this. We can put it like – I was cowardly. Or – I was diplomatic and polite. There is a light side and a dark side to both being seelie and unseelie.

Now, on the other hand, you are a pure conductor and I am a pure reviser. There might be other aspects into play here.

But I just wanted to say this about being seelie, which tends to be wrongly seen as the Fi ideal. The shadow is someone yelling at you and you not being able to say anything back whatsoever. Someone accusing you of something which you are not guilty of and you crying for hours because you are not capable of telling this person what you actually believe, because you feel your point of view would only make you look even more ridiculous in that conversation.

You just can’t say no or any negative opinion, without maybe putting it as a joke or only vaguely suggesting it. You don’t have the choice, the freedom to actually say what you think, it’s like someone put a spell on you and you can only say what your interlocutor would like to hear.

I do think many people fall somewhere in between seelieness and unseelieness, it’s a spectrum. And also maybe some of what I said is connected to other things (Enneagram type, education, culture, etc.). But…I only recently realized at a serious level that opposing others’ views has merits and slowly started to become less agreeable. It took A LOT of effort to build this skill and I need some effort to get into this mode, an energy gathering and directing towards my interlocutor…it still doesn’t come naturally to me, I just know it’s necessary in some cases. I still fail many times and I think most people don’t even see the difference but I was at the most seelie point of seelies and I can see it. 🙂

But we both match the general patterns of high Fi rather seelie and high Te rather unseelie. Also I act unseelie when modulating Te, for me they tend to pair up and maybe they do for you too?

It would be interesting to see other people’s views, especially seelie high Te and unseelie high Fi.

  • This reply was modified 3 months ago by Bera.

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