- Type: SeFi
- Development: lll-
- Attitude: Unseelie
I am not like that at all. It’s important to me to minimize my needs. I will wear the same sneakers for 10, 15 years; the same phone until it dies, etc. I’m still using Iphone SE. I don’t follow ‘trends,’ I follow my inner muse – but when people try to get competitive with me, I feel that I won because I don’t need all that crap to look hot and feel alive. I don’t mean this as an insult. I’m just talking about how I am quite competitive in a way, but I feel that I won because I’m competing against my own ideal, and staying focused. I take pride in being somewhat oblivious to the material consumer world. I am attuned to something different.
I am not implying that my mindset is better, really. I’m just talking about how I manage to convince myself and others that I am winning competitions that I am not even joining. And if people hate or envy me for this, all the more power to me.
I just stumbled on this quote, and it’s not the perfect quote for me, but it does touch upon part of my mindset.
This is how I see myself: someone who strives for mastery. And the most important thing to master is my relationship to my own vitality and ideals.
The reason this quote is not fully me, is that there were never ‘many possibilities’ for me. But I can understand this when approaching a subject like typology. When I start reading about a system I narrow down to one or two types that could be mine, but then as I learn more I find myself seeing other possibilities. Same goes for typing others. And I start doing it well, with high accuracy, but not 100%. So my trained mind knows not to settle on a type too soon, to leave a slight door open. As I grow in expertise, then my mind quickly narrows down to one or two possibilities, but those are usually among the correct ones. With even more expertise, I will get it right the first time. So, there is truth to the statement when it comes to the intellect.
But when it comes to my life path, who I am, and my role in the universe.. the possibilities are few. I know who I am and what I have potential to become, and do it well. I figured that stuff out before I was 10; it made itself clear to me. And part of who I am is someone that didn’t watch tv as a kid, AT ALL. Who didn’t get caught up in video games. Who gets one phone and makes it last, but doesn’t stress over ‘taking care of a phone’ because there are more important things. I just keep it til it breaks. So if people tease me about having old stuff, I think, that’s because the point of ‘stuff’ is to create beauty and to have function. The consumer culture isn’t my planet.
This also allows me to minimize my work hours so I can focus on the arts, my true passion. Having less material needs has a pragmatic function to maximize the free time available to me to pursue and fulfill my true purpose. That being said, ‘material needs’ was never something that I had to wrestle with. I do have a strong need to look hot, to wear clothes that express me, to have technology available to me that makes my multimedia art projects possible (camera, video editing, keyboard, guitars, etc). I actually hate music for this reason but I still have visions to fulfill. I wish I’d been just a writer, so that one computer would be enough, but I have this burning need in my soul to pursue my music & videos. But I make my music videos with one camera, and edit them by myself on one computer. So that shows how I manage to capture beauty without needing too much material crap. My budget is really low for each video, often under $100 because I work with my actors so they can bring their own costumes which are right for the scene, I borrow props, and I build gorgeous sets out of cardboard if I must. I’m resourceful. So in that sense, when I have ONE VISION, I see the possibilities before me for how to actualize it with minimal cost to myself. I am VERY fast at finding these avenues, and when one doesn’t work out, I find another. But this is not about ‘new things,’ it’s about opportunism when I have one thing that I’ve been slowly working to get done since I was a kid (my albums & videos).
So maybe this is just me, Pe with a lot of J. But you can see why ‘variety’ doesn’t do it for me. If anything, it gets in the way of what’s important. And I’m allergic to living without purpose.