Reply To: [Ji II–] How do you relate to this profile?

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Nyx
Participant
  • Type: TiNe
  • Development: ll--
  • Attitude: Directive

@Auburn, Excellent job. I love this description.

“Your mind begins from a place of withdrawal, reservation and meticulous analysis of reality in order to answer fundamental questions of inner alignment, purpose and true happiness. By reflecting on the essential nature of reality, you have an intrinsic sense of what the answers may be and pursue those pathways with fervor.”

Yes, and for me I think the word I would use is meaning, always looking for the fundamental meaning in everything, the underlying message, which leads to truth (objective or subjective), purpose and happiness. I do think happiness is a choice though,  choosing how you look at something, how you let it affect you. I realize that is relative and can be influenced by things beyond our control, and relies on someone’s quality of life and privilege, however.

“The answers, you intuit, to this happiness and purpose are found via an authentic lived expression in alignment to your inner truth – through an embodiment of the principles that you sense operating behind reality. This embodiment almost always takes the form of artistic expression, such as via lyric writing, paintings, music, dance or fashion, wherein the artform becomes the vehicle by which those principles and realizations can radiate out into the world.”

This part rings true. I am a perfectionist, spending hours going over and trying to refine my writing (even with posts like this). When I have a particular mode I’m trying to express or a thought I’m trying to articulate or level of creativity I’m trying to achieve, I want to be as precise, competent and accurate as possible. When it comes to art I aim to be a little more free and forgiving in my expression, but I still take my time to make sure it’s portraying exactly what I want, with the right colors, composition, etc, otherwise I will paint over it and start again. I used to do this even as a young child. My mother often tells me that when I was very young I would meticulously pick out each color and take my time drawing or painting something, but then I would stoically paint over it in black. She said I had an obsession with black, and yes I still do. It’s almost like if I don’t find my higher purpose through that mode of expression I just start the process over, or end it and look elsewhere.  I tend to over think and over analyze everything, even my art, which can often hinder the process. Sometimes I can get into the flow of my art or dancing or writing and just let it go without trying to control it, so it feels more natural and free, like I’ve tapped into my creative juices; I’ve found the source. This happens more easily when I am not stressed out, which I’ve found that meditation, exercise and taking psychedelics helps with in finding clarity, peace of mind and a freer way of expression.

 

“When you’re not flowing, you will tend to revert back to your isolationist tendencies, which emerge from your innate reservation and privacy. In this state you resist the world and retain your own mental autonomy, coveting your own resources and having a cognitive barrier between the inner and outer. You can easily exist in this state for long periods of time if you allow it, but will ultimately feel a hollowness emerge from it since it’s imperative to you that you retain both your mental autonomy, as well as the capacity to interface with the world meaningfully through expression.”

This explains so much. I have tended to go back and forth in this mode throughout my life. I can think of many years where I was stuck in that feeling of hollowness and isolation, yet my desire to feel consistency, stability, in control, and protected kept me there.

“You’re not the most industrial personality, and making a living represents a powerful challenge to you since working outside of your very niche passions will feel like a suffocation and a sin to your essence. Worse still, productive output is something that must happen organically and unforced for you. You feel at your best when you connect intimately to a seamless flow, where your exploration of the environment happens in real-time with no friction, hesitation or delays between “self” and “world.””

Ugh. Yes. This is something I’ve always struggled with. I’ve changed my degree many times because I was torn between wanted to do something I enjoyed and also apply it in a practical manner, and hated having to be forced into something in order to make money. Working in customer service jobs feels like death, so draining having to pander to idiotic demanding people, being beholden to a corporation that sees you as a replaceable cog in the machine, just so you can sleep and eat and pay rent, to continue the cycle of being a cog in this meaningless dystopia where we are slaves to money and then we die. There’s more to life than having a career, yet who has the time when we’re wasting it just trying to survive. That’s why I’m involved in politics, to potentially change this system that keeps working class in poverty and only benefits those at the top.

“And yet another personal struggle will exist in you when it comes to the manifestation of change in the world towards a great organizational truth. Although your self-expression represents one form of embodiment of truth in the world, the ideological and political spheres will also evoke a deep yearning in you and desire for the practical elevation of humanity towards your higher principles of being. Subjects such as world peace, the transformation of humanity towards sustainable forms of living, and the evolution of consciousness to untold heights, will preoccupy your daydreams. But your own attitude will be faint and internalized, making it difficult to compete in the political sphere or make an impact in the big executive world in the way that it forces solutions to arise.”

Yes, I do tend to get passionate about political and social movements, revolutions, radical change that will transform society for the better, including advancements of technology, improving the system that keeps people in poverty, and getting rid of the class inequality, implementing universal healthcare like the rest of the developed world, reaching our potential as a species, futurism, AI, and sustainable cities. All of these things inspire me to want to get involved, but I don’t feel confident enough to truly make an impact or know where to begin. It helps that I can do these things over the internet and in my day to day interactions. It makes me feel like I’m impacting things a little, even if I’m not mobilizing anything in a huge way. It’s safer and less draining for me to just sit back, analyze, share things and debate online, than to do anything that involves dealing with external expectations and obligations.

  • This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by Nyx.

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