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Scientiam
Participant
  • Type: TiSe
  • Development: llll
  • Attitude: Directive

@epicentity as the story suggests, there was way more going on than just what you saw (like for example me not trusting courtjester and figuring out my relationship with him and whether it was true). I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything in my story, I wanted to release an emotion that was still tugging at me for my own healing and to let Auburn and CT community know that because it pertained to them.


@auburn
, thank you for helping close out this chapter in my life: from the story I told, I hope you got that it was meant to turn out this way and so don’t feel any grief (but I do think its still/was important that I let you know how I hurt). Its purpose was to learn a spiritual/emotional lesson for my healing (among the many we learn over lifetimes) to show me the truth of myself and to end cycles.

Some advice I would give you that I see as a flaw and that nagged me a bit , and I say this lovingly, is that if you are working with Spirit and the Mother Goddess in this endeavor of CT, you should realize that you honor the different psyche/world viewpoints not by you neutralizing your own and hiding yourself and being a pinche perfectionist in your creation, but in letting the different modalities that exist outside of you to let them also co-create this world you can imagine because in doing that you also honor your own psyche/spirit and your gifts, and because the others who help have their own magic and powers, that can far exceed our own native ones, that no one single person has, including you. Let the ST masculine create and riff of your authentic creation of you and your world, don’t mimic their “magic” beyond what you already dabble with. That means, I feel the imagery that comes to me in in the message I am channeling is that there is little boy (the same one from my story) in a wood house in the countryside, it’s lush with green and blue and beautiful clouds, he wants to fly right out the window. But he keeps looking back to his grandfather, grandmother and other elders for permission, but man he really wants to fly! His/the elders don’t give a shit, their just walking around staring at the ground floor, cautious and observing every step they take. The grandma is the only one perhaps checking in what he is doing, but she knows he’s a boy, he’ll get hurt playing around, but it’s what boys do, she expects you to try and jump into the sky to start flying and get your ass hurt a little bit and you don’t know, maybe a magical cloud will catch you, do you trust it?. Man that boy really wants to fly though lol, but equally, man, the doubt is real with this one of his own power of flight, which he doesn’t realize it would be more fun to do and try than to just to daydream about flying and how that would go about “technically” while staring out the window and then  staring back at the elders for permission who only keep looking down at their steps and who are not even concerned with you because you are a indeed a boy and therefore is allowed to play and fly  🙂


@animal
, I actually think some parts of your message to me was pretty nasty (especially this part “Refrain from plagiarizing parts of his work and then misrepresenting it so you can charge people for your own counseling”), it assumed a whole bunch of me and my character in order to defend what you thought was perhaps an attack on Auburn, which is not. Stating your true feelings and telling someone how their actions (intentional or not) made you feel (even if they hurt you) is not an attack but a an opening to healing and to better understand each other. In that case, I don’t need to defend myself against you animal, but here is some thing that I thought stood out from your message that I thought was harmful to anyone hearing it:

-The thought of letting someone else, a group or a person (artist or not), system etc.. determine what you deserve. You determine what you deserve and your value and worth, if other’s don’t see it then it shouldn’t matter and their not meant for you anyway and avoid the usual/poisoning thinking that the value/worth is determined by money/status. I used to see Auburn and CT as more worthy than me because of it’s external success and its status, it “reflected” a paradigm of my own ideal life . But one thing I learned from my journey is that you should determine your  own success and you should also determine what you are worth, not others. Otherwise, this is insecurity.

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