Reply To: Unseelie Fi Description

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Cedar
Participant
  • Type: FiNe
  • Development: lll-
  • Attitude: Seelie

I was really shocked when I received the feedback on my type! I was typed as FiNe III unseelie and flat affect, which still feels SO far off the mark! I realized that I don’t show up on video the way I do irl. I’ve had so many cringes from loved ones that have watched the videos I submitted. With that in mind, I probably came across that way, but I think that’s why it’s important to be cautious when typing people. And I think if someone contests the results, maybe there’s something to it? Especially if they don’t feel like they lead with Ji but Je…or the like.

In my daily life, I am far from flat affect and I am glad that there is less of an emphasis on that labeling. I’m sure it is helpful to many, but it really insulted me and hurt my feelings for a few days. Additionally, I am not a double introvert. I’m too lively and gregarious. I believe that my husband is an FiNe I, seelie heart though comes across as unseelie. So is one of my dear friends, though she is flat affect as well. I’m drawn to something in this personality type that offers balance to my own. I am well known for desperately needing something for years but prioritizing someone’s want quickly. I am learning to use a bit of the Fi to bring a healthier aspect to myself in that regard. And the feedback I receive from my husband and friend is that I teach them to get outside of themselves, think of others, the greater picture, spirituality, etc.

My entire life I have felt with every molecule of my being that there needs to be harmony and consensus around me for me to feel content. I could never run my opinion over those of others…even if I think those others are in error. Instead, I create a well constructed argument and then make it as gentle and palatable as possible. Nearly every time I am able to sway others and those people are happier with my idea once they get over their fears of change or the unknown. I hate the Fe description on CT which makes it seem that those who use Fe are transactional with everything. It sounds really gross and judgmental without empathetic understanding. I do feel like I go through life via Fe more than Fi…but I think the description for Fi is lovely and beautiful while the Fe description sounds borderline sociopathic. I don’t believe that the delineation between the feeling functions is accurate or inclusive. I believe having folks that lead with the functions that are both Seelie/Adaptive and Unseelie/Directive could help flesh things out.

Something that has bothered me a lot is the concept of Seelie/Adaptive and Unseelie/Directive. It seems like they are trying to stab into the mental health of the person, but miss the mark. Seelie/Adaptive could be pushovers, passive aggressive, backstabbing and shit-stirrers. And Unseelie/Directive could be overly aggressive, demanding, unable to connect emotionally, and bullies. But really none of that is healthy. It may be an unnecessary addition to the typing that doesn’t add a lot of value and causes harm or for some to feel more hopeless than they need to. I think people know if they are too willing to let others walk over them, avoid conflict, be too aggressive, etc. If there is to be something that measures this, it needs to be different. I think it is a simple either/or when put into these two boxes, when we are all complicated beings, doing our best to get through life and using the tools that have helped us get this far. Additionally, the descriptions of Seelie and Adaptive seem like what we all want to be while Unseelie/Directive is the consultation prize of a failed emotional attempt. I am feeling judgmental about this because I think any reasonable mental health professional would encourage a different metric.

I show up in the world open and ready to interact with those around me. I have space for other people’s stories and have always been approached by strangers unburdening their fears and sorrows. I appreciate being able to fulfill this role and show up for those around me…so long as they don’t need a crutch 😉

I have two brothers, both PeJi. My youngest brother leads strongly with Ne and is a software designer. He is able to see 10+ options when others see only one and has done well by taping into this ability. My other brother leads with Se is able to see into the future and predict what the inevitable conclusion will be. He hates imagining things and is far more logical. He felt drawn to excavation and at 39 years old is about become the leader of the company he works at. The current owner is passing his own sons and instead trusting my brother with the succession (I hope my brother finds a good books person as he is AWFUL with that aspect ;)) Of my two brothers, the Se lead and I speak the same language and are able to get onto the same page instantly. My Ne lead brother and I have to ask clarifying questions and create context for the other until we get on the same wavelength. If I had developed Ne, would I be more whimsical, like my Ne brother? Wouldn’t I live in what-ifs or what could be?

Though I have fondness for the gamma and delta folks I don’t feel an intuitive kinship. Our interests and modes of communicating are a little different…it doesn’t feel like we have a lingua franca. For example, I don’t understand the desire to look for answers in things like Tarot when the power is within us. I know that many people feel Tarot pulls this out, but to me it feels more like “leading the witness”or uses the concept of fate or divine intervention…or maybe I just don’t get it. I have tried it several times and it has never struck a chord in me. Absolutely no offense to anyone who uses those tools, it just doesn’t ring true to me.

My mom is an SiTe and my stepson is clearly a TeSi, but I feel uneasy with this function. They seem to see something in me that they are lacking of feel they need. Actually every Te lead or secondary that I have ever met in person either is rude and rejecting of me or comes across as needing a soul healing and looks to me for help…though that may just be that their Fi is waking up? It confuses me.

Have you ever watched the Super Soul Sunday interviews between Oprah and Brené Brown? I think those clearly show two differing ways of processing information; Fe vs Te. I feel like I understand Oprah (she wants everyone to have the information, understand it, and be able to use it for themselves and everyone else) and need to switch my mind’s channel to understand Brené (she communicates scientific concepts, adds in awkward “relateable” humor, and is more focused on how she’s used this in her own life). Each wants the same thing, difference in the ability to share and help others with the information. Brené speaks to the mind and Oprah to the heart and soul.

I always enjoy reading what you write and hearing what you think of things. Thank you for reading my ramblings…I’ve tried to make it flow into something somewhat coherent. I have read and read articles and forum posts looking to understand the gist of things and have accumulated a lot of feelings and thoughts in the process.

Also, thank you for reaching out <3

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