Reply To: Unseelie Fi Description

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  • Type: FiNe
  • Development: lll-
  • Attitude: Seelie

I don’t feel like I am properly typed and reading the things that others write is helping me determine where there is a personal misunderstanding, bias, mistyping, etc. I have wanted to be more involved on the site but do not feel like my typing or how others with FiNe Unseelie have communicated their experiences to be. Finally, instead of hiding on the other side of the screen, I’m reaching out.

I feel very close to others emotionally, even strangers. I can feel the energy they give off and make adjustments in real time to create smoother interactions. I am able to predict (extremely accurately) what their motivations are, what they are thinking and feeling, what they need in that moment and long-term. I find it easy to be able to plant seeds towards that need.

I once heard someone describe feeling like they were an emotional paint bucket. Their bucket was full of white paint and everyone else’s had color. If just one drop of that other color got into the white, it was no longer white. I feel this way. The emotions of others are really loud to me and seem to splash around. Many people are going through life with aching hearts, rage, regrets, etc. After years of working on things to create a lid, strangers rarely contaminate my color, but people/animals/things that I care about do. I accept this though since it is a part of humanity and our greatest strengths are also our greatest challenges.

I feel a natural affinity to other people, animals, plants…even ecosystems. I feel like I have an intuitive understanding of what they are communicating, mostly through body language or the observation of their outputs. I experience immense joy in tweaking inputs to get healthier and happier outputs. In a sick chicken, I will see the way they carry their body, notice small changes in their daily cycles, etc. If anything is off, I intuitively know what they need to feel better. Same with the people around me. I can see the smallest micro-expression in those around me and delight in helping others feel better.

Throughout my life I have never been to hide my feelings. If you don’t know me, then you may not realize that I am attempting to hide them until in a safe space where I can feel those feelings and process what happened. If you do know me then you see right through my physical tics and mental glitching. I am very exhausted by conflict and prefer to find consensus so there is social harmony. I will not find consensus at the expense of my own health and happiness, but I am very flexible with reevaluating what brings me joy. I am also stubborn to hold firm to my boundaries so that I can preserve my mental and emotional stability/health.

Being emotionally available and practicing vulnerability are things I hold very highly. Being able to share my feelings and life experiences and have them given space and compassion are some of the most intimate connections we can have with each other. This isn’t something that I do with everyone, but with people who I sense can show up and be there with me. One of the biggest compliments I can receive is to have people feel safe with me and open themselves up in the same way.

Being forced to conform is something no one should feel. I feel that on whole, being a part of a community or group of people does require some basic standards. Don’t swear in front of kids, don’t beat people up, etc., but I don’t feel like most people are forced to be someone they aren’t, unless they are lawless criminals 😉 On the other side of that, no one will be completely excepted if they share absolutely everything about themselves. There needs to be some reading of the situation. There will always be stupid things that many people adopt to “fit in”, but I would argue that they don’t need to watch those shows or listen to that music to be a part of that community. In the past, people would try to get me into something that they liked, but I thought was junk. It never offended me since I assume they wanted to make a connection via that show, band, movie, etc. (I still don’t get Big Bang Theory or Beyonce.)

When it comes to orderliness, I have some room for growth. It isn’t something that I prioritize. I see it’s value because having your resources where you need them when you need them makes things more pleasant and usable. I do have a desire for a clean kitchen, but clutter doesn’t bother me all that much. What does get me is that I have zero tolerance for the neglect of living things be they houseplants or children. When you make the commitment to open your life and home to a living thing, it is serious that you show up.

I’m am careful of what I take on and commit myself to since I am prone to putting my best/all into anything I do take on. On some things I have higher standards, but on others I don’t. Who the work will impact makes a major difference on things. Are there kids involved? I give more. Am I tube feeding a bird and it will die if I mess up? Perfectionism will appear. Sewing a dress for myself? Close enough is good enough.

As a child, I adopted my set of values from the shows Mr. Rogers and Little House on the Prairie. As an adult I have found these moral foundations to be solid. I add to them with observations and experiences. These morals are not always mainstream in the U.S., but they are in different areas of the world. My main values are: be kind to yourself, others, animals, the planet, and beyond; and treat things with respect and with a long vision in mind, not short-term or financial benefits. Marriage, religion, dietary choices, and the like are up to each individual. I am not bothered by what others chose for themselves so long as there isn’t an expectation for others to be forced into compliance or treated as less than if they don’t. For example, you can be Christian, but don’t treat me poorly for not being one.

When making decisions, my mind as a master list of potential outcomes. My subconscious will then go through and vet them, slowly discarding until I have a short list of 2-3 options. That short list is transferred to my working memory and I make a temporary decision that is not made final until I have input from those it will impact or those whose opinion I trust. If there is agreement, great! If not, why? Is it an argument that makes sense? I will then attempt to create a hybrid alternative and retain both original ideas. We then have a conversation and there is almost always consensus. I use this for little and big things, personal and collective.

When I encounter or experience something I don’t initially make a judgment on it. It is almost added to a subconscious database where it is processed. If over the course of days to a month, I find it to be useful or to contain truth, it will be added to my conscious mind or trusted database of info. If it isn’t useful or containing a truth that speaks to me, it is discarded and usually never picked up again. Going forward, I will have a bias to not absorb/reject this pre-processed information since it didn’t pass the initial test of having value to me…though it will remain in another part of my mind for its potential use in helping others.

During conflict I step back from myself and take in the perspective of everyone involved. It can come across as self-doubting, but it is motivated by understanding other people’s motivations and where I may be overlooking my own bias.

People describe me as: emotionally available, open, friendly, passionate, well informed, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, spiritual, intuitive, old-soul, self-aware, present, compassionate, empathetic, approachable, gentle, caring, nurturing, handy, and selfless to a fault (If someone needs something it is done quickly, if I need something it might be neglected for prolonged amounts of time).

General thoughts:

I have heard several people of different types discuss the ability to feel the emotional temperature of a room. Is it related to Fi when others with Fe lower in their stacks also discuss sensing it? There doesn’t seem to be a clear delineation between the feeling types. I sometimes envision Feeling as on a spectrum and maybe Fi and Fe are closer than initially assumed to be. Emotionally and mentally healthy people are often able to tap into both types of feeling and that is what therapy encourages and teaches. Maybe whole humans need to develop both?

Do Fi leads value individual contentment over social harmony? Isn’t it possible to be authentic in either case? It seems many/most high Fi users are quirky, independent, express themselves through art, etc. How are high Fe users showing up? Is there a cleaner way of seeing each preference?

Can injuries that impact the way you are able to move your mouth/face capable of changing the way you metabolize your feelings?

Does anyone else feel mistyped? If so, why?

  • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by Cedar.

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