- Type: TiSe
- Development: llll
- Attitude: Directive
An example of this is a year ago, I had this big lifted truck cut me off, so I passed him and flicked him off. He didn’t like that, so he proceeded to ride my ass with his high beams on, which absolutely set me into a rage, because it feels like a thousand knives being shook around in my head. He kept following me and then I thought (at the time I was married), I cannot let this guy follow me home, because then Nancy could be drawn into this and in danger. So, I pulled off into a dimly lit gas station. The guy pulled in so his lights were still blinding me. He then got out of the truck. The rage I had then turned to this calm sort of clarity feeling where I had all this confidence things would be ok. I get out of the car. I saw this shadow in the light come towards me and I judged the movement. I caught him coming in with his punch with a check left hook and down he went. I then switched to, I guess adaptive, when he came to, I helped him up and told him to get the fuck out of here. So, there is something going on here and yes shadow elements are coming into play. The force seems like shadow energy. It is confidence I can go into but confidence I don’t generally have. This is just one example. There are many.
But what did you learn from this encounter? What’s the lesson in it? My shadow has been painful because of the weight judgment, it’s so heavy to be confident about something where you don’t know if you are helping or hurting a person (and a mask is built in its place), which translates also into not knowing how you are hurting or helping yourself (because you can’t tell you apart from the mask) (in the end, the answer I think is to be authentic/true to yourself and learn from others about your judgments/criticisms). Everyone projects their internal reality, and I have been living the life of a victim in many ways and it has been painful to finally confront that and be aware of my power: nobody is going to heal me except me, nobody is going to save me except me, the universe/spirit can give you the opportunities and it’s up to you how you respond, whether to be gracious with what you have and be aware of what you want in your life and taking the steps to get there or being in anger and resentment, blaming/judging others/the world/life/universe because they can’t give you what you want . I am responsible for myself first and then for others. I would ask from this situation (in a true question/criticism coming from me and open to answers/criticisms from you and anybody else so I can know myself) how do you think the situation would have gone if you just let the guy cut you off, let him be the way he is, he is not your responsibility so there is no need to set him straight? Is this really a loss if you let him cut you off, what are you losing? Pride? Or perhaps you really have to stand up for your self and meet negativity with negativity, but what do you gain from it in the end? A fight in which again you have to stand up for yourself and prove that you are a man against another man (yet, who caused the fight though)? In the end, when you decided to help him, did anybody learn anything? Did you apologize for your part in the confrontation? Did he?
In the end, judgment seems hard and it seems you have to be open to you being yourself, your whole self (whether you fall in one side or other of the heart attitude, as I think you have already done) and be open to learning from your mistakes as one’s judgment is refined when you are aware of the power to judge (because judgment is universal and the way you judge affects how you judge yourself more (and your life) than how you judgment affects others, no matter how angry you get at them or how much you want to help them/be kind to them). As I said, I’m open to criticism to understand other’s viewpoints and take a look/be aware of my own and get out my shell/wall.