Obviously, any type can fall in love with any type. So many things are more important than type, such as common interests, values, life goals, chemistry. Type may be a contributing factor to all of these things, but it is not the whole story.
That said, there may be pairs that are more likely to be compatible than others. Has anyone noticed a pattern? Do you see a pattern in your best friends, ex-partners, and people you’ve met throughout your life that fit in a certain type category? Have you observed this in others?
I’m SeFi, and I’ve had a life-long pattern of being attracted to TiSe men, romantically. The two relationships that worked out best, which includes my first love and my husband, were with TiSe’s. My husband is my soulmate, my dream come true.. literally. I saw him in my dreams before we met!
I’ve noticed a similar pattern here in other types.
I know a couple who is NiTe and TeSi. My parents may be SeTi and FiSe. My TiNe friend is with a woman that appears to be NeFi. Etc.
Have you noticed a draw to types like this? Where your second function is their first, or their second is your first, but they’re in a different quadra?
- Type: TiSe
- Development: llll
- F Attitude: Directive
I think there are some energetic dynamics going on here. A tension between similarity and difference. So the idea is: you gravitate toward your energetic opposite, but still one that shares one of the function axes (Imo: perception works better). So a Ji gravitates to Pe, Pi to Je, etc. But NiFe for instance wouldn’t go to TeSi as they share no functions, leaving TeNi or FeSi as good candidates.
Interesting – would you see Je as an “energetic opposite” to Pi, rather than Ji?
I always spoke of “opposites” as if they were opposite sides of the axis. As in, Pe is opposite Pi energetically, and Je is opposite Ji. But now that I think of it, the energetic opposite would actually be the type that shares neither perception/judging nor introversion/extroversion. Although there is an energetic similarity still, in that both Pi & Je are conductors and Pe & Ji are revisers.
- This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Animal.
- Type: SeFi
- Development: ll--
- F Attitude: Seelie
@animal – I honestly don’t have a formed opinion about this issue, because I only found out about CT fairly recently.
But talking to you guys on discord and knowing your types for sure, I did analyze if there are differences between how I relate to different types/different quadras. In general, for me there doesn’t seem to be a big difference, so I think I could relate to people from all quadras.
But I noticed there are certain aspects that I find easier to discuss with Se-Ni people. Or things some Se-Ni users say, that I instinctively get, even if the discussion gets pretty complicated and touches on serious topics. I may not completely agree with them but I can understand what is being said.
I also feel a wonderful connection with deltas but it’s a different type of understanding. We tend to talk a lot about feelings and relationships. About who we are and what makes us happy or sad. Probably because we are Fi users, so we relate by using Fi. 🙂
And with Se-Ni types I sometimes see a bigger openness for exploring topics about how we see the world. And it could be socially focused (as with jelle) or esoterically (?) focused, as with Umbi.
I want to experiment talking about these types of topics with Ne-Si users too, to be able to really understand the difference in perception. I think some misunderstandings could emerge, but probably this would be a good thing in the end because if the misunderstandings are clarified both people will see the whole picture in the end. BUT there is also a chance for misunderstandings to remain unsolved, which basically translates in an incompatibility of views that could lead to conflicts.
So, I think there would be some pros and cons for relating to anyone. Because if an Se-Ni user explains to me what he thinks about the Universe and about consciousness, I will most probably get him. And he will clarify my views for me. I will see them clearer, like in a mirror, but also magnified and having more facets than my own world view. But it would still be my world view, expressed in a different way or at least a similar world view expressed in a way I understand.
And if I would be having the same talk with an Ne-Si user, probably we would bump into stuff we wouldn’t agree upon. Which might lead to questions of defining things until we are sure we understand the differing view points. And this can be frustrating. But the plus is that by defining things both people start having a clearer understanding of where they are coming from and if they also manage to understand the opposing idea, they basically learn something completely new about the world/humanity or whatever topic there was. 🙂
The good thing is that knowing our functions, when such a situation appears, we will soon realize why it’s happening and we could try to address the issue instead of blindly defending our own opinion without taking into consideration that we arrived at it because we are who we are and not because it’s necessarily a generally valid point. Two people can see things differently and just explore why this is happening until they finally have an aha ! – moment when they get what the other is saying. And after that they can rise above the situation, because they now have both view points and they can jump from one to the other whenever they need.
Now this of course also depends on our openness and interest in increasing our pool of understanding ! So, I think it could also depend on whether we are more P or J. Because I am obviously an Se-lead, so Pe, and I can see how bumping into someone with a completely different world view would be beneficial but for J leads or for people who have J functions developed this could look completely different. Because for them the focus would not be to perceive as many things as possible, right?
An Te lead could say – ok, so what’s the use in struggling for 2 hours to get to understand this guy’s differing opinion and where he is coming from? Is this a productive way of developing a relationship? Will it work?? How??
So I think this is not just about incompatibility, but also about every person’s aim, because P – s aims are very different from J- aims.
Also, all I said is applicable to love matches and to friendships.
So, maybe faeruss is right and a mixture of the familiar and the unfamiliar would be the best for a match. But I think all types could have good and lasting relationships.
It’s fascinating how well I write about relationships. :)) I wish I was so good in practice too. 😛
- This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Bera.
- Type: NeFi
- Development: l--l
- F Attitude: Seelie
Most of my friends and family appear to be gamma and alpha. Without fail, Fi and Fe types are romantic attracters.
Conductors from all quadras can be attractive. I’d kill a Pe lead who just wanted to buy a boat on a whim. I’m married to a gamma, but I think I could be just as happy with an alpha. I like having a shared (comfortable) axis and a conflicting (growth opportunity) axis. It feels like just right amount of tension and comfort for me. I can’t quite picture daily life with a beta or another delta. Fe men have a way of bringing out my best behavior, like the Taming of the Shrew.
Clarification: Some Fe men have a way of bringing out my best, but the ones I don’t respect who are in charge bring out my worst. 😉
- This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Tea.
How do some Fe men bring out your worst?
It’s funny you say you talk to NeFi’s about relationships. I had this going on with two old friends who were NeFi, but they also constantly moralized and scolded me, misunderstood my points and misconstrued my words. Neither relationship could last, sadly.
The NeFi friend I have now, we talk about typology and mythology and politics – and we get along splendidly. We’ve had one misunderstanding, ever. And that was resolved with a long phone conversation, where we both cried. But it was all about typology, motives, psychology and a hard time we were going through.
I find friendships only work for me if they’re based on common interests and doing projects together. The friendships I’ve had that have lasted 20-30 years, are the ones that involved working closely with someone on a project. We speak less often when not doing a project, but we still know we have each other’s back and ear when needed. But there’s a lot less pressure to “talk just to talk” in these friendships, so there’s less room for bullshit and misunderstanding.
Even as a kid, age 5, I was known as “King of the Playground” haha, because I would come up with a plot and characters and direct all the kids which parts to play, and they would obey. I liked enacting something together, or ‘parallel play’ as I got a little older, both doing separate things side by side. Engaging in mutual learning, productivity and goals is what makes a friendship smooth for me. A strong focus on dissecting the ins and outs of internal feelings leads inevitably to misunderstanding, at least for me.
As for Te – a close friend of mine growing up was TeNi, and I can get along very well with other strong Te people, but I don’t like it in a relationship. We butt heads in the sense that Te guys feel masculine when they offer help with things – like my health, my bills, or solving other issues – and I tend to do that very proficiently myself, which makes them feel emasculated. I don’t have this problem with Fe/Ti guys, who feel masculine when they show me how to be more smooth socially or help me solve the internal dynamics of some intellectual issue that I could not possibly pick apart on my own. Of course these are broad generalizations, but I’ve found it to be pretty consistent. So my romantic major players have been Betas.
- Type: TiSe
- Development: llll
- F Attitude: Directive
Yes, there is a sense in which Pe is the opposite of Pi. But since the energetic quadrant has two variables, Pe and Pi are only opposites along the introversion/extroversion axis, not the perception axis. So the “absolute opposite” would be Ji, as it negates Pe’s extroversion and Pe’s being a perception function. As you noted, it is interesting that this process of double negation preserves the conductor/reviser distinction.
- Type: SeFi
- Development: ll--
- F Attitude: Seelie
@animal – I never had major quarrels with friends – only minor issues that got solved easily.
I never had any projects together with friends. For me friendship means exploring the world and each other’s feelings together. I don’t expect many concrete actions and I always keep friends completely separate from work. Work is work, friends are friends. Mixing them up could lead to entanglements I don’t really want.
But I have a totally different type of job and I do think that it would be very good for people who are together in a band to be friends. Just in my type of job, I don’t see this as a good idea.
I do get along very well with some of my coworkers. We go out, we share secrets, we have fun together. But I don’t let it really go to very close friendship level.
Now, what I did want to point out was that actually in situations when you want to do something serious together (like working on a project) maybe being more similar is more useful and I think this should be taken into consideration too. Some people have companies together…or kids. :)) And this whole thing should work and being similar might help it work (this is why I was mentioning Te).
On the other hand, being similar is no guarantee for being right or doing the right things, as both could be wrong together and reinforce this by similarities.
So, my opinion at this point is – there are very serious pros and cons for both like attracts like and opposites attract. 🙂 So maybe one shared axis could be optimal (as a general rule) and there are exceptions depending on what you want (more free exploration or more coordinated action).
It also depends on context because if I developed Te, since I have 90% Te talks at work, I don’t think I would want this at home too, even with, I don’t know, a gamma, like a TeNi. So if an axis is overemphasized at work, having it overemphasized in your private life too could be frustrating even if you’re much into that stuff and also have nice differences.
I was just thinking – I wonder if my lifelong attraction to TiSe and NiFe men – which is an actual pattern in my life — is related to my father being NiFe. I also wonder if anyone else has noticed a pattern like this.
In general, people tend to indulge in repetition compulsion. They try to resolve built up issues in their psyche through new relationships. I wonder whether we are drawn to others who represent these issues as they are made manifest through functions.
*Dances with Freud and Oedipus*
Many people are uncomfortable with exploring this because they see it as “I’m not projecting, I just really love my partner.” But it’s not either-or.
I see my husband as a separate entity from myself, my father, or my dreams, but the attractive allure around him that makes him stand out among all other men has to be somehow related to my own intrapsychic needs.
Of course in a healthy relationship you evolve way beyond that, and if you’re not a narcissist you see people as separate entities from your projections, even from the start. You afford them empathy and autonomy automatically.
But those intrapsychic components still run on automatic in the background. And exploring them in an honest way can help people to understand the difference between their projections and their partner as a separate entity, so their projections will not infect the relationship more than is necessary.CelesteParticipant
- Type: NeFi
- Development: l---
- F Attitude: Unseelie
Everything that I wrote down below is based on my non-existent personal experience with romantic relationships so if it sounds robotic or mechanical I apologize beforehand.
My sister who’s a SeFi has a TiSe boyfriend, they’ve been together for a quite a while now and even though they’re complete opposites (she’s the super outgoing girl and he’s the shy nerd) they still make it work somehow. You also have the example of Kristen Stewart TiSe and Robert Pattinson SeFi, and you and Ivory. So this pretty much seems like an ongoing trend. I also follow a married YouTube couple (NeFi and TeSi, I believe) that have been together for 12 years. With these examples that the outsider viewer (such as myself) would question how could these such different individuals be together, I think it all comes to a sense of completeness. It’s like they help each other find the missing piece of the puzzle instead of doing it on their own thus making it much harder. For example you might have a SeFi who is having a problem with an Algebra equation and is asking for help to their TiSe partner who can immediately see what’s not working, the TiSe then solves the problem while at the same time explaining it in a easy way since they both share the same perception functions which facilitate the process of using words that the SeFi can understand. This might explain why @bera might find easier to discuss things with people that share Se-Ni.
Another situation is a NeFi who is trying to organize the house and is having a hard time with indecisiveness because they don’t know where to start, seeing their distress their TeSi would categorize everything into sections and break it down to a simple routine so the NeFi can finally work without feeling overwhelmed. Now, this. of course, are just scenarios based on generalizations and stereotypes, but I still think it helps to illustrate the point. 🙂
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